Relationship Counseling – You both have to Want to GO

Being together with someone you care about isn’t always easy. You may have started off on the right foot, and may have thought that you would be that happy for the rest of your life…but then reality paid you a visit and now things aren’t looking quite as good. What may surprise you is that over half of all couples have received relationship counseling of some kind while they were together. Here are some things for you to consider when it comes to seeing a counselor.

A counselor is not a miracle worker. They can’t just wave a magic wand and make your relationship perfect. What they can do is listen to each of you (separately and together), and offer suggestions based on what you have told them.

The purpose of visiting a counselor is not to win some imaginary contest, nor is it to prove you are right and that your partner is wrong. If that’s your attitude, then you can be sure that changing that attitude is one of the first things the counselor is going to try to do. In some ways–depending how bad things are–the counselor’s role is to tear down all of the nasty walls you have put up, and then rebuild on a more harmonious foundation.

One thing you should watch out for is more arguing. What? Yes, that’s right, a lot of couples find that they argue more after their first few sessions of relationship counseling. That’s because they are learning new ways to communicate, and this change can bring stress of its own. Don’t worry, though, if you stick with the counseling you will get past this and start to get along better and better.

Just having somebody to listen to your side of things can be quite therapeutic. Maybe you feel like your partner doesn’t get what you’re trying to say, or maybe you feel like they ignore you completely. Either way, having an objective party lending an ear can be a great way to work through things.

But why use a counselor at all, can’t you get a lot of the same information from self-help books? You sure can. Let me ask you this: have you tried any of those books, and if so, how are they working for you? If they’re not working, that’s okay, it’s not your fault. See, the author can only pass along what they know, but they don’t know you personally. Their advice may be wonderful…for somebody else, but it just doesn’t work for you. A counselor can listen to your specific problems and then craft solutions that will work best for your specific situation.

There is a catch to all of this. Nothing will happen if you do nothing. While that may sound like common sense, far too many couples go to relationship counseling and never follow through on any of the qualified professional advice they are given. That’s too bad because if they did, they could end up being happier than ever. The good news is that the choice to be happy is all yours.

Relationship Counseling – You both have to Want to GO

Being together with someone you care about isn’t always easy. You may have started off on the right foot, and may have thought that you would be that happy for the rest of your life…but then reality paid you a visit and now things aren’t looking quite as good. What may surprise you is that over half of all couples have received relationship counseling of some kind while they were together. Here are some things for you to consider when it comes to seeing a counselor.

A counselor is not a miracle worker. They can’t just wave a magic wand and make your relationship perfect. What they can do is listen to each of you (separately and together), and offer suggestions based on what you have told them.

The purpose of visiting a counselor is not to win some imaginary contest, nor is it to prove you are right and that your partner is wrong. If that’s your attitude, then you can be sure that changing that attitude is one of the first things the counselor is going to try to do. In some ways–depending how bad things are–the counselor’s role is to tear down all of the nasty walls you have put up, and then rebuild on a more harmonious foundation.

One thing you should watch out for is more arguing. What? Yes, that’s right, a lot of couples find that they argue more after their first few sessions of relationship counseling. That’s because they are learning new ways to communicate, and this change can bring stress of its own. Don’t worry, though, if you stick with the counseling you will get past this and start to get along better and better.

Just having somebody to listen to your side of things can be quite therapeutic. Maybe you feel like your partner doesn’t get what you’re trying to say, or maybe you feel like they ignore you completely. Either way, having an objective party lending an ear can be a great way to work through things.

But why use a counselor at all, can’t you get a lot of the same information from self-help books? You sure can. Let me ask you this: have you tried any of those books, and if so, how are they working for you? If they’re not working, that’s okay, it’s not your fault. See, the author can only pass along what they know, but they don’t know you personally. Their advice may be wonderful…for somebody else, but it just doesn’t work for you. A counselor can listen to your specific problems and then craft solutions that will work best for your specific situation.

There is a catch to all of this. Nothing will happen if you do nothing. While that may sound like common sense, far too many couples go to relationship counseling and never follow through on any of the qualified professional advice they are given. That’s too bad because if they did, they could end up being happier than ever. The good news is that the choice to be happy is all yours.

Keeley knew it was time to be moving on.  Break up with her boyfriend Joe had just happened.  She knew there was no chance of getting back together, so she had to get on with her life.

First, Keeley tried talking to her friends about the break up.  At first, they were sympathetic.  But soon, they became bored with the topic and wanted to talk about their own issues.  Keeley became frustrated at their lack of support.

Her mom, on the other hand, couldn’t talk about anything but Joe.  She thought Keeley was insane to let him get away.  It sometimes seemed like her mom had been more in love with Joe than Keeley ever was.

After a few weeks, Keeley decided to go to a therapist for five sessions.  Over the course of a few weeks, she began to identify the problems which had led to the break up and plan out a strategy for moving on.

The first thing she did was to for the moving on break up was to get rid of all of Joe’s things.  Some, like the leather jacket he loved, she gave back.  Other things like his toothbrush she just threw away.  And, he had given her some nice jewelry, but she decided to box these up and store them until she became less emotional about Joe.

Next, she started doing things that she didn’t feel comfortable doing when Joe was around.  For instance, Joe would never go to the ballet with her.  Keeley had trained as a classical dancer and she appreciated Swan Lake and Giselle.  When a performance came to town, she got a couple of girlfriends together and they went.  This is not something she would have done if she had been together with Joe.

She also decided to join an adult dance class.  Partially, it got her out of the house two nights a week.  It also got her back into shape.  But, she was able to meet new people as well.  She liked the comraderie of the class.

She also explored new passions.  She never knew much about fine wines.  Joe had preferred beer and she had usually just ordered the house white.  But when she heard a local winery was offering a wine tasting class, she decided to join.

Over the course of five weeks, she developed a palate.  She began to appreciate the difference between a young wine and an old wine.

And, she met Rodney.  Rodney was a good looking lawyer who was interested in good wine and fine food.  He was also interested in Keeley.

Part of how Keeley knew that she was getting over the pain of losing Joe was that she was interested in Rodney.

Keeley doesn’t know whether the relationship with Rodney is going to be long term or a short term rebound fling.  But she does know that she doesn’t miss Joe when Rodney is around.  And that’s moving on break up advice!