How to get an ex back is a fairly common question but one that should be relatively easy to answer. If you were to blame for the breakup then you should apologize. We should always treat others as we would like to be treated but sometimes we can treat our neighbors better than our partners. Having someone special in our lives can mean that we take them for granted and expect them to put up with our black moods, PMS or other human failings.

So say you are sorry and mean it. Don’t just say it to get your ex back but mean it regardless of what the future holds for you. Arrange a meeting with your ex to discuss what went wrong and see if you do have a future together. You should agree some basic ground rules or else you run the risk of it turning into a blame fest.

The first rule is that both of you should be there because you want to be not because you are being emotionally blackmailed. This is particularly true if you have kids together as one partner can often put pressure on the other to stay together for the sake of the children. Believe me, most kids would prefer to have two different families than to witness two people tearing each other apart.

The second rule should be that you are not getting together to have an argument – if either party gets abusive then the meeting is over. You are there to have a discussion about your relationship and see if you would both like to take it forward. It may be helpful to set a time limit for each person to talk about how they are feeling. When they are talking the other person should be listening.

This is a time for you both to express what you like about each other and what parts of your life together could do with a little work. Perhaps you never get to spend time alone together so an idea may be that you have a date night once a week or a fortnight. This is a night where it is just the two of you and all talk of kids, mortgage, debts etc is banned. This would be your time as a couple to try to relight the forces of attraction that brought you together in the first place.

You will probably find that both of you are finding the same issues difficult. You both probably miss spending quality time together and you may both be under financial and emotional pressure. Sometimes life gets in the way and we often expect our partners to become mind readers and be able to see a problem without us saying anything. We don’t tend to make time in our lives to really talk to our spouse. It is never too late to start.

Now when you are asked how to go get an ex back, you will be able to say that communication and quality time together are the keys to lifelong happiness.

To get someone back when they’ve walked out on you, doesn’t have to be difficult.  It doesn’t matter if they walked out a few days ago or a few months ago.  The same principles still apply. All that needs to be done is for you to be determined and committed to your cause and you take the necessary action.

Your first action is going to be to figure out what went wrong and what was your role in what went wrong.  This isn’t about blaming for blames sake, it’s about figuring out what you need to do to apologize and to make things right. Remember it takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship, so be honest with yourself and take your share of the blame.
The bottom line is that to get someone back, you’re going to need an effective top draw apology.  The apology must, in effect serve two ends: an explanation of why you’re sorry and a further explanation of the plan you’re going to implement so that the same wrong behavior never occurs again.  Get these two planks right and your apology will work for you.

Explaining to your ex about why you’re sorry for what has happened, means that you have taken the time to sit and figure out what your ex found so objectionable about your behavior.  If you find it difficult to dispassionately figure this out, then you might need to go and talk to a professional about the specifics of your situation.

A professional can help you see things from the point of view of your ex and if you want to get someone back, this could be the key.  What this doesn’t mean is that you become a doormat for your ex and agree with whatever they say and whatever they object to.  That is why it is good to have a professional third party look at the situation and give you their thoughts.  If they believe your ex has a point about an aspect of your behavior, then they will tell you and go they may even go on and work with you to change that behavior.

The second part of your apology, as said, involves explaining to your ex how what happened will never happen again.  This is when you present your ex with the plan that you have put in place to ensure no repeat of what happened.  When your ex hears about your well thought out plan, as you attempt to get someone back, it will be in your favor.  Your ex will see that you are serious and sincere in what you’re saying.  So if you are working with a professional, this is a great indicator to your ex that there is hope for a second chance.

Above all, be honest and sincere and your second chance with your ex will be far more likely.