Help Me Save My Marriage-Enter With Caution

Many people have gotten that frantic call from a close friend: “help me save my marriage!” This scenario happens all too often and many times we don’t want to get involved. But as an outsider looking in, sometimes you have no choice but to help.

A third party needs to evaluate the relationship to see if they can help. Sometimes, it is something as simple as lending an ear. A sympathetic shoulder to cry on is often just what is needed if the spouse is not willing to listen. Surprisingly, being able to unload anxiety and emotions can benefit a couple in the midst of trying to repair their marriage.
The boundaries are not always clear in these cases, so caution has to be exercised. A woman becoming too involved in a marital dilemma will be seen as an intruder by the husband. He will feel as if it is now two against one. Even if the wrongs are corrected, chances are he will never look at the friend the same way again.

That is why discretion has to be of the utmost importance. It is very easy to step over the line and cause more damage than was originally present. The only time that it is a good idea to intervene is when there is obvious proof that he is the main cause of the dispute. If it becomes blatantly obvious that the husband is the primary reason behind what is transpiring then a friend can be of assistance to the wife. However, this would never work for a man. If a female friend were to try to console the husband, it might appear as if she is trying to break up the marriage.

The safest bet is for the friend to suggest counseling to the couple. Bringing in an outsider who does not have a vested interest in either side will help to bring stability to the situation. But even this decision needs to be cautiously considered. If a woman is the reason for the disturbance in the relationship then a male counselor might be the better option. If the wife has had a transgression with another man, then perhaps a female counselor would set the husband more at ease.

The bottom line is, if a friend asks you to “help me save my marriage”, then it has to be discreetly handled and in a way that will not place attention or blame on one party more than another.

If your goal is to get your ex wife back then you have to admit something that you may not want to. You may have to admit you’re weak. Will you have to admit it to her? That depends on how she views you at the moment, how you have come across in the past and how she will view you in the future. The trick to get your ex wife back is to let her know that you have changed and that you are, can be, and will be the one that she wants.

Wanting to get your ex wife back is admitting that you are weak. You are admitting that you need her and are incomplete without her. You are admitting that you have to have her in order for life to make sense and/or work. Once you make the effort, she is going to be figuring that out on her own. Just making the effort to get your ex wife back is proof of that. How did she view you prior to the break up? Did you divorce because you were seen as being weak? Hopefully that is not the case. If so, coming back and trying to reconcile after the divorce or break up may be seen as groveling back and may not be something that she wants to see from her man.

If, though, you were seen as being particularly hard headed and self-absorbed then you are essentially saying that you were wrong. This is not a bad thing. When you show that you can admit that you were wrong shows that you are willing to admit that you are human. Being wrong is weak but admitting it and trying to correct it takes immense strength. Letting down your guard and telling the her that you were wrong shows that you are serious about wanting to get your ex wife back. Even though it’s admitting that you are weak, it is showing that you are strong enough to deal with it.

When you are trying to win your ex wife back, you have to know that you are putting your future in someone else’s hands. The results are far from certain. The truth is the damage may already be done and it has reached the point of no return. Does this mean that you shouldn’t try? No. It does mean that everything that you do has to be above and beyond any reasonable doubt that she might have. This will mean being honest in not just admitting how wrong you may have been but honest in really trying to change.

If you go back to your ex wife and try to convince her that you have changed and that you are worth the risk, you have to be honest. If you aren’t and you aren’t willing to follow through on your commitment to be better thing swill only fall apart again. If you are going to go through with the effort to get your ex wife back, make sure that the change in you is real.