Being in a loving relationship is one of the best experiences you will ever have. When things are going good, you feel great, but when they come to an end there is nothing but heartache. Still, you at some point you are going to have to move beyond it and get over love. The love you used to have is gone and you need to find a way to accept it so you can start living your life again.

Before we start getting into some of the steps you can take to get over love, it’s important to point out that it won’t always be easy.

Your first course of action should be figuring out whether or not things are truly over between the two of you. Just because you have had a heated argument and aren’t together right now, doesn’t mean that you can’t work things out. Perhaps you drove each other crazy, or hurt each other’s feelings, but all of those things can be fixed. The catch is that you both have to want to work things out, and be willing to do whatever it takes.

Of course, getting back together is a valid way to get over a lost love, because you are effectively finding them again. Remember, you can’t change the other person so they either need to be ready to change, or you need to be able to live with their lack of change. Saying you’re sorry and forgiving them for anything they did wrong will go a long way toward patching things up. If there is no possibility of getting back together, then the following advice should help.

For the time being, you should do your best to remove any traces of your ex from your life. Things like love letters and photographs are obvious, but there are things that are less obvious, such as any items the two of you purchased together. You do not have to throw these things away or destroy them, just get them out of sight for a while. The fewer reminders you have of your lost love, the better.

You will also need to tie up any loose ends. For example, if the two of you had a joint bank account then you need to freeze or close it as soon as possible. Once that’s done, you can divide the money up fairly. There may also be various items that you have to sort out. Do your best to remain logical and respectful during this process. If it gets to be too much for either of you then try again in a few days if at all possible.

Now comes the fun part…rediscovering yourself for who you really are. It is really easy to change when you’re in a relationship. Not all changes are bad, but they are still changes. This may sound silly to some people, but the best way to get over love is to fall in love with who you really are. After all, nobody would deny that having positive self-esteem is much more enjoyable than wallowing in self-pity.

If you want to know how to get over someone you love, you must realize that none of the answers are easy ones. No matter how ready you might think you are to move on and get over that person, that you have to ask how to do it at all shows that it’s going to be a painful process.  Sometimes it’s a slow process, too.  You might think you’re over someone and a year or two later be reminded of that person and feel all the pain and sadness again.  That doesn’t mean you’re not over the person, though.

If you’ve had a lot emotionally invested into a relationship and it ends, it’s something that can potentially make you feel sad for years.  Maybe even for the rest of your life.  But that doesn’t mean the sadness has to be paralyzing or has to throw you into a depression. By getting over the person, you can realize that losing them made you sad, and look back on it as you would any sad loss.  It’s the period of time soon after the loss that should be the hardest, that makes you ask how to get over someone you love.

If the break-up is new, often the only way to deal with it is just to face the pain and ride it out.  It’s going to hurt, no matter what you do.  But there are some things you can do to lessen the pain.  You can remove obvious visual reminders of the person, if possible.  Photographs of them can be put away for a while.  Gifts they gave you can be stored instead of displayed.  You can even avoid the places you used to go together for a while.  This tip can be found in pretty much every list that explains how to get over someone you love, so it’s at least a popular idea that’s worth a try.

If you’re really having trouble living your life after the break-up, it might be necessary to seek counseling.  Simply explain that you’ve just been through a painful break-up and ask the counselor how to get over someone you love.  They can offer helpful advice, and can be more specific that generic lists about how to get over someone you love.  A counselor can also probably offer better advice than friends or family.

Your friends and family might feel they know your situation too well.  Some may have motives for help you get over the person.  They might not have liked that you were in the relationship to begin with, so they might want you to get over things or move on to another person too quickly.  With a counselor, though, you can safely tell them things about the relationship you probably don’t want friends or family to even know.

Feel free to go to counseling for as long as you need to.  If the counselor feels you’re spending too much time dwelling on how to get over someone you love, they’ll tell you.