Let’s face facts, not all marriages should be saved.  Sometimes the two partner’s just aren’t compatible and just can’t make thinks work. At other times there are real issues such as  marriage infidelity, which can be virtually impossible to move past.

If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it’s time for a gut check. Don’t think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, and it’s going to have a much better chance of working if you enlist the help of a professional counselor to help clear the path, as much as possible.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind:

1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on,who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren’t ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they’ll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account. Leave.

If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let’s be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won’t commit 100% to making things work, it won’t work. Again, it’s best to leave.

2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It’s going to hurt, but the reality is that people don’t cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don’t get from their spouse.

Sometimes it can be something ‘real’ like feeling needed or loved. Other times it’s not ‘real’ it’s childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship, something that you may not even have realized was gone.

3. It’s very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner’s face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, it won’t work out.

On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

Also, the person who strayed has to own it, period. Now is not the time to blame your spouse and use the classic line: “my wife/husband just doesn’t understand me”.  B.S. You are every bit as guilty, maybe more so, in the failing of your marriage as your spouse. Don’t blame your weakness and the fact that you cheated on your partner. You did it, period. Own it and you’ll be a better person for it.

Marriage infidelity can be gotten past, but only if the two of you are willing to try, and try hard. Good luck.

If your relationship is in trouble, you might want to consider counseling to help save your marriage.  Your marriage is the central point in your life.  All of your other relationships – with children, with family, and with friends – revolve around the marriage axis.  Therefore, there is a need to help save marriage.

How do you know if marriage counseling is right for you?  If you have any of these problems, you might want to consider counseling to help save your marriage:

·    Infidelity
·    Communication
·    Conflict
·    Work-Life Balance
·    Problems with Children
·    Blended Family Issues
·    Family Violence
·    Substance Abuse

A family counselor or therapist will be able to help you to enhance your family relationship by helping you to explore effective communication techniques, conflict resolution solutions, and other kinds of “coping skills” that will make your family work better.  A therapist can also help you work on resolving deep issues that have carried over from childhood traumas.

So, how to you choose a family therapist?  Well, you should know that you don’t have to pick the first one you call.  It is perfectly acceptable to interview three to five counselors before deciding which therapist will work best for you and your spouse.

Some of the questions you might want to ask include:

·    Have you worked with couples experiencing the difficulties we’re having?
·    What should I expect from counseling?
·    What are your treatment methods?
·    What are your prices?

You can find the names of therapists by asking for referrals from friends or family members who have tried counseling themselves.  There are also referral services set up by non-profit boards who can give you the name or names of licensed professionals.

If you do not get a satisfactory number of referrals, you might want to check out therapist’s sites on the internet.  When the yellow pages was the only source of advertising for therapists, the consumer would get little more than a name and a phone number.  But now, a counselor’s site can include a resume, articles he or she has written, and a description of their practice.  You will be able to get an idea of how a therapist will work from his or her web site.

You do want to make sure that the therapist you choose is licensed.  Some therapists have what is known as a MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist License) which can only be obtained after a therapist completes both a master’s degree in Psychology and 1500 hours of internship work under another licensed therapist.  Other acceptable licenses include the LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), Ph.D or Psy.D. (Psychologist with a doctorate degree) and M.D. (Psychiatrist.)

You want to choose a licensed professional because there are educational, internship, and practice standards that must be maintained to retain the license.  “Relationship coaches” and others with similar names do not have similar obligations.

Different counselors have different payment options.  Some offer sliding scale fees while others are able to take insurance.