Forget Divorce – Save Your Marriage

Is your marriage having trouble to the extent that you are considering getting a divorce? Well have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor? There are many different marriage counselors and it can be difficult knowing which one is worth going to. Let’s take a look at some things you should look out for in a marriage counselor.

The first thing you need to do is to find out what their credentials are. There are basically three types of counselors as follows:

1. Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These counselors have put in the hard work to get their positions. They have been to graduate school for a minimum of five years and would have written a dissertation. They would have performed at least 3000 hours of therapy while supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person must have a doctoral level degree to be legally referred to as a ‘clinical psychologist’. Ph.D.’s, although they have put in the hard work, can tend to be more academic in nature and you may find that they will do a bit of forensic work along with the therapy.

2. M.S.W. – Master of Social Work. This type of counselor is trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work with individuals or with institutions.

3. M.S. or M.A. – or also known as ‘Marriage and Family Therapist’. These counselors may only work with individuals or with small groups. They will have gained a 2 year degree and have done 1500 hours of supervised therapy.

If you are planning to use insurance cover to help fund your marriage counseling then they will probably point you in the direction of a Marriage and Family Therapist or a M.S.W. as these are less expensive than a Ph.D. level counselor.

The second thing you need to do is find out how much the counseling will cost. You will find that clinical psychologists are generally more expensive and Marriage and Family Therapists will be the least expensive. The least expensive may not always be the best option, you need to choose the best option for saving your marriage.

You need to consider both the individual session cost as well as the overall cost for the entire length of treatment.

Some therapists may have a sliding scale fee and this is often based on a couple’s income. It is usually non-profit institutions that will offer this type of fee which can make counseling affordable for those who may not otherwise be able to afford it.

The third thing that you need to look at is the policies that a therapist has. Some questions you may want to ask are:

* Do you still pay for a session if you miss it or cancel it?
* If you go on vacation and let them know ahead that you will miss a session will you still be required to pay for it?
* Does the therapist accept phone calls at home or outside of normal session times?
* Is there an alternative therapist that you can call in an emergency?

A Marriage and Family Therapist is trained to help families work through any issues so it is their job to help you to save your marriage. You should feel comfortable talking to a counselor and if for any reason you just don’t feel comfortable with a particular therapist then you should stop seeing them and find one that you will be comfortable with.

Before giving up on your marriage and filing for divorce, try marriage counseling to try and save your marriage.

Evaluating Your Marriage Break Up- Take The Time

You may be feeling quite overwhelmed if you are dealing with a marriage break up. With all there is to think about and deal with you may not know where to start. It is best to step back, clear your head and then sort everything out logically and if possible without too much emotion attached.

When you get married you believe that the marriage will last forever and it can come as a big shock when that marriage falls apart. Your planned life has suddenly changed drastically and you aren’t sure where your life is heading anymore. Then there are so many issues to take care of, both emotionally and financially. The issues can be much worse if you have children involved who will also be affected by a divorce.

There may be a chance that you can work things out and get your marriage back together. This does happen between couples if they can sit down and talk about what the problems are in their marriage without it turning into an argument. If you find that every time you try to talk about things you both walk away angrier than before, then perhaps you should use a mediator.

A marriage counselor can help you to talk things through and work out your issues. A church pastor or minister is another option and often quite a good one. A pastor tends to be more committed to helping save marriages as it is what the church firmly believes in. A pastor will genuinely want to help you to restore your marriage and will do what he can to assist you with that.

If your marriage is beyond repair and you know that it is over for good then you need to accept that it is over and start planning for your future. A good divorce attorney is always a good idea and it really is best to get all your finances and assets settled sooner rather than later.

To settle all the financial matters you may need to consider selling your house and splitting the proceeds or one party buying out the other. You will need to split any bank account balances or loans. Then there is the furniture and appliances in your home, you will need to decide who will take what. It is best to get all of these things sorted out early so you can get closure and move on. If you delay settling these issues then it can be difficult to move on.

The hardest thing to handle during a marriage break up is if there are children involved and you need to decide on custody. It is important to put the child’s best interests first and always do what is best for them. Don’t try to influence the way the child feels about the other parent as this can confuse and even damage a child psychologically. You also need to be careful of the children’s feelings about the divorce as many children will think that it is somehow their fault so you need to make sure that your child knows that the divorce is not his fault. Assure the children that you love them and that the problem lies between you and your ex and nothing to do with them.

Never get your children stuck in the middle of fights between you and your ex. Don’t talk badly about your ex in front of them or do anything to alienate them from the other parent. Unless the children have been abused by your ex, then there should be no reason why he can’t have some access to the children.

Try to work together with your ex to arrange visitation times and custody. It is best if you can work it out between you instead of dragging it through court and fighting over custody arrangements. Try to be flexible with visitation too, if your ex can’t have the kids on time on his allocated night, swap it for another night. For the sake of the kids it is best to try and be negotiable.

Whatever you do, don’t ever let the kids think that the divorce is their fault and don’t get them caught in the middle of any arguments or custody battles. Your future planning must always incorporate your children and have them as your first priority.

Marriage break ups aren’t easy but you will get through it and move on with your life.

Getting married is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, and it often is. However, the honeymoon soon comes to an end and reality sets in. You have tried to smooth things over, but now you are on the verge of splitting up. What you need want to know is how to stop a divorce.

The main question is do you just have a feeling that a divorce is about to happen, has it been expressed verbally, or have divorce papers actually been filed? Each one requires different ways of handling the situation.

You just have a “feeling”. If this is the case, then you need to take some time to get to the root of why you’re feeling this way. What problems are the two of you facing as a couple? What can be done about them? You basically need to determine if these feelings are well-founded, or if you are blowing things out of proportion (that’s okay, it happens). You have to start a dialog with your spouse if you want to stop a divorce. It doesn’t have to be about the big “D-word”, but you should discuss your marriage.

It has been expressed verbally. Let’s face it, sometimes arguments can get downright nasty. Now, that doesn’t excuse either one of you from making the threat of divorce, but it is a possible explanation. The key is to do your best to figure out if it was a serious threat, or if it was just a “heat of the moment” thing. Either way, seeking the advice of a professional marriage counselor is a good idea at this stage. They will be able to help the two of you sort some things out. And even if divorce was never a real threat, a counselor can help you get along better.

Papers have been filed. Believe it or not, even this situation is not completely hopeless. Sure, it will take more effort to undo it, but it can be done. Most states have laws that require a period of several months to elapse between the filing of papers and the finalization of the divorce. This is the situation that will require the most damage control, and you will have to act quickly. Pull out all the stops. Talk to your spouse right away, and let them know you are ready and willing to work things out; whatever it takes.

You will notice that all of these ways to stop a divorce have something in common: they all require action on your part if you want it to stop. Each potential threat to your marriage requires a different response, but a response is required. While there is no guarantee you will be able to prevent it from happening, it is not a problem that will go away by ignoring it. It’s going to take effort, but it will be more than worth it when the two of you are still married, and happily married at that.

I have one question for you: do you want to save your marriage?  If the answer is yes, you have a hard road ahead of you.  But, before you start down that path, you have to answer this question in the affirmative.

Take a hard look at the state of your marriage.  Is this the person you want to be with in five years?

If not, you don’t need to read any further.  Just go down to the closest divorce attorney.

Still with me?  Good.  I’m going to show you how to save your marriage.

Once you have decided that your marriage is worth saving, you can start to do the work that is necessary.  Don’t even think about going to the divorce lawyer any more.  You’ve made the commitment to stick with your relationship.

Now that you have put divorce out of your mind, accept that there will have to be changes in the relationship.  If you want the relationship to work more than your partner does, then you are the one who is going to have to do the most changing.  That’s a simple fact.  It is like the person who has the bigger aversion to messiness usually does the most cleaning around the house.  The person who wants the relationship to work more will have to do the most changing.

You have to be prepared to talk more too.  Set aside time to get to know your partner once again.  If he or she has hobbies that they are willing to share with you, get involved even if you are not all that into darts or scrap-booking.

If your partner is willing to agree to it, marriage counseling may be what you need to save your marriage.  A relationship counselor or therapist will be able to look at your marriage from the outside, ask probing questions, and get you to open up to each other.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Once you have the “ideal” out of your head, you will be able to work on what is real and what is good.  These are the standards you should be applying to your marriage.

Do you want to save your marriage?  Good.  But know the hard work lies ahead.

Are you thinking of divorce?  Save your marriage by seeing a marriage counselor.  There are many therapists who say they do marriage counseling, but how do you know which ones are really good?  This article will give you a checklist of things to look for in a family therapist.

First of all, you want to see what their credentials are.  There are three basic classes of counselors.

The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor.  These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation.  In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist.  In order to legally call yourself a “clinical psychologist” the person must have a doctoral level degree.  Ph.D.’s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.

Then there is the M.S.W.  This means Master of Social Work.  Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations.  They can work in institutions or with individuals.

Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling.  Often called a “Marriage and Family Therapist,” these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations.  They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis.  They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

If you are using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they are less expensive.

Second, you have to determine what the price will be.  Clinical psychologists tend to be the most expensive while Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive.  Remember you are trying to stop divorce.  Save marriage by finding the best fit not the most (or least) expensive professional.

Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.

Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couple’s income.  If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.

Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has.  Some of these policies include:

·    What happens if you miss or cancel a session?
·    Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session?
·    Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session?  Do they accept calls at home or just at the office?
·    Is there an alternative person you can call in an emergency?

A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you don’t have split up.  Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal.  If you don’t feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save your marriage.