Forget Divorce – Save Your Marriage

Is your marriage having trouble to the extent that you are considering getting a divorce? Well have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor? There are many different marriage counselors and it can be difficult knowing which one is worth going to. Let’s take a look at some things you should look out for in a marriage counselor.

The first thing you need to do is to find out what their credentials are. There are basically three types of counselors as follows:

1. Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These counselors have put in the hard work to get their positions. They have been to graduate school for a minimum of five years and would have written a dissertation. They would have performed at least 3000 hours of therapy while supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person must have a doctoral level degree to be legally referred to as a ‘clinical psychologist’. Ph.D.’s, although they have put in the hard work, can tend to be more academic in nature and you may find that they will do a bit of forensic work along with the therapy.

2. M.S.W. – Master of Social Work. This type of counselor is trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work with individuals or with institutions.

3. M.S. or M.A. – or also known as ‘Marriage and Family Therapist’. These counselors may only work with individuals or with small groups. They will have gained a 2 year degree and have done 1500 hours of supervised therapy.

If you are planning to use insurance cover to help fund your marriage counseling then they will probably point you in the direction of a Marriage and Family Therapist or a M.S.W. as these are less expensive than a Ph.D. level counselor.

The second thing you need to do is find out how much the counseling will cost. You will find that clinical psychologists are generally more expensive and Marriage and Family Therapists will be the least expensive. The least expensive may not always be the best option, you need to choose the best option for saving your marriage.

You need to consider both the individual session cost as well as the overall cost for the entire length of treatment.

Some therapists may have a sliding scale fee and this is often based on a couple’s income. It is usually non-profit institutions that will offer this type of fee which can make counseling affordable for those who may not otherwise be able to afford it.

The third thing that you need to look at is the policies that a therapist has. Some questions you may want to ask are:

* Do you still pay for a session if you miss it or cancel it?
* If you go on vacation and let them know ahead that you will miss a session will you still be required to pay for it?
* Does the therapist accept phone calls at home or outside of normal session times?
* Is there an alternative therapist that you can call in an emergency?

A Marriage and Family Therapist is trained to help families work through any issues so it is their job to help you to save your marriage. You should feel comfortable talking to a counselor and if for any reason you just don’t feel comfortable with a particular therapist then you should stop seeing them and find one that you will be comfortable with.

Before giving up on your marriage and filing for divorce, try marriage counseling to try and save your marriage.

I have one question for you: do you want to save your marriage?  If the answer is yes, you have a hard road ahead of you.  But, before you start down that path, you have to answer this question in the affirmative.

Take a hard look at the state of your marriage.  Is this the person you want to be with in five years?

If not, you don’t need to read any further.  Just go down to the closest divorce attorney.

Still with me?  Good.  I’m going to show you how to save your marriage.

Once you have decided that your marriage is worth saving, you can start to do the work that is necessary.  Don’t even think about going to the divorce lawyer any more.  You’ve made the commitment to stick with your relationship.

Now that you have put divorce out of your mind, accept that there will have to be changes in the relationship.  If you want the relationship to work more than your partner does, then you are the one who is going to have to do the most changing.  That’s a simple fact.  It is like the person who has the bigger aversion to messiness usually does the most cleaning around the house.  The person who wants the relationship to work more will have to do the most changing.

You have to be prepared to talk more too.  Set aside time to get to know your partner once again.  If he or she has hobbies that they are willing to share with you, get involved even if you are not all that into darts or scrap-booking.

If your partner is willing to agree to it, marriage counseling may be what you need to save your marriage.  A relationship counselor or therapist will be able to look at your marriage from the outside, ask probing questions, and get you to open up to each other.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Once you have the “ideal” out of your head, you will be able to work on what is real and what is good.  These are the standards you should be applying to your marriage.

Do you want to save your marriage?  Good.  But know the hard work lies ahead.

If your relationship is in trouble, you might want to consider counseling to help save your marriage.  Your marriage is the central point in your life.  All of your other relationships – with children, with family, and with friends – revolve around the marriage axis.  Therefore, there is a need to help save marriage.

How do you know if marriage counseling is right for you?  If you have any of these problems, you might want to consider counseling to help save your marriage:

·    Infidelity
·    Communication
·    Conflict
·    Work-Life Balance
·    Problems with Children
·    Blended Family Issues
·    Family Violence
·    Substance Abuse

A family counselor or therapist will be able to help you to enhance your family relationship by helping you to explore effective communication techniques, conflict resolution solutions, and other kinds of “coping skills” that will make your family work better.  A therapist can also help you work on resolving deep issues that have carried over from childhood traumas.

So, how to you choose a family therapist?  Well, you should know that you don’t have to pick the first one you call.  It is perfectly acceptable to interview three to five counselors before deciding which therapist will work best for you and your spouse.

Some of the questions you might want to ask include:

·    Have you worked with couples experiencing the difficulties we’re having?
·    What should I expect from counseling?
·    What are your treatment methods?
·    What are your prices?

You can find the names of therapists by asking for referrals from friends or family members who have tried counseling themselves.  There are also referral services set up by non-profit boards who can give you the name or names of licensed professionals.

If you do not get a satisfactory number of referrals, you might want to check out therapist’s sites on the internet.  When the yellow pages was the only source of advertising for therapists, the consumer would get little more than a name and a phone number.  But now, a counselor’s site can include a resume, articles he or she has written, and a description of their practice.  You will be able to get an idea of how a therapist will work from his or her web site.

You do want to make sure that the therapist you choose is licensed.  Some therapists have what is known as a MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist License) which can only be obtained after a therapist completes both a master’s degree in Psychology and 1500 hours of internship work under another licensed therapist.  Other acceptable licenses include the LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), Ph.D or Psy.D. (Psychologist with a doctorate degree) and M.D. (Psychiatrist.)

You want to choose a licensed professional because there are educational, internship, and practice standards that must be maintained to retain the license.  “Relationship coaches” and others with similar names do not have similar obligations.

Different counselors have different payment options.  Some offer sliding scale fees while others are able to take insurance.

Can I stop my divorce? Have you been asking yourself that question lately? It’s a hard question to answer because every situation is so different. In many cases, “Can I stop my divorce?” can be answered, “Yes, for at least a while.”

Divorce lawyers do a booming business. Over half of marriages end in divorce. Have you ever wondered why that number is so high?  Is it because too many couples get married too quickly before they really know what they’re getting into? Are they asking, “Can I stop my divorce?” practically before the last piece of wedding cake is wrapped?

Are people marrying too young? These things might seem like pat answers, but when you consider that many couples who have been married for 20, 30 and 40 years are getting divorced too, that seems to eliminate the more frivolous marriages and divorces like those we see among starlets and stars.

No, usually when you wonder, “Can I stop my divorce?” it’s not because you married too young or because you’re in a marriage that was doomed from the start. It’s just that you’ve grown apart from your spouse.

On one hand that’s good. It means you’ve grown, and generally a married person needs to be in a caring, nurturing marriage to grow. On the other hand it’s all too easy to grow in such a way that we feel a bit isolated from our spouse, as if they don’t know a certain part of us that we might like to keep private.

When one spouse grows and takes on new interests, it can cause that disconnect between the spouses. Sometimes there’s jealousy and envy that a spouse is succeeding while the other feels inadequate or cheated in some way. Marriage counseling is the recommended treatment for such feelings.

Until or instead of counseling, though, you can try to take an interest in something that your spouse does apart from you. You’ll quickly discover if the gap between your activities is the problem. If your spouse isn’t thrilled about your interest, then let it go. He or she considers that particularly activity to be me time for them.

On the other hand, if your spouse seems very enthusiastic about you getting involved, maybe that was part of the problem all along. He or she wanted to include you but didn’t know how to go about it, or didn’t think you would be interested.

Show genuine interest and ask questions without overdoing it unless you are genuinely excited by the topic. Engage your spouse in conversation about the interest. Be affectionate as you’re talking by putting a hand on his/her arm or shoulder.

Since you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” you’re going to want to do everything you can get to things on your side. You’re in rescue mode, so no matter how disinterested you might be in your spouse’s hobby, don’t let it show.

And while you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” don’t forget that your spouse might turn around and ask you about your hobby, too.

Are you thinking of divorce?  Save your marriage by seeing a marriage counselor.  There are many therapists who say they do marriage counseling, but how do you know which ones are really good?  This article will give you a checklist of things to look for in a family therapist.

First of all, you want to see what their credentials are.  There are three basic classes of counselors.

The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor.  These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation.  In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist.  In order to legally call yourself a “clinical psychologist” the person must have a doctoral level degree.  Ph.D.’s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.

Then there is the M.S.W.  This means Master of Social Work.  Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations.  They can work in institutions or with individuals.

Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling.  Often called a “Marriage and Family Therapist,” these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations.  They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis.  They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

If you are using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they are less expensive.

Second, you have to determine what the price will be.  Clinical psychologists tend to be the most expensive while Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive.  Remember you are trying to stop divorce.  Save marriage by finding the best fit not the most (or least) expensive professional.

Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.

Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couple’s income.  If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.

Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has.  Some of these policies include:

·    What happens if you miss or cancel a session?
·    Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session?
·    Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session?  Do they accept calls at home or just at the office?
·    Is there an alternative person you can call in an emergency?

A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you don’t have split up.  Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal.  If you don’t feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save your marriage.