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Are you still holding a candle for your ex, telling your friends and family ‘I lost the love of my life’? If that sounds like you then there might still be hope to get your relationship back. There are some things anyone can do to make an ex fall madly in love with you all over again. You really can rekindle that old flame.

The first thing you need to think about is what might have gone wrong. Stop worrying about telling people ‘I lost love‘ and think about what positive steps you can take instead. When you can identify what you think went wrong in the relationship, you’re in a good position to begin working on tactics to rectify it and then put some things in place to get your relationship back.

All relationships begin filled with excitement and adrenaline. You both want to please the other person, so you make a big effort to look good and say the right things. You both enjoy each others company, because you’re both trying really hard to be enjoyable.

At this point most relationships move into a comfortable phase, where you both feel a little more relaxed. This is the phase where many relationships break up and it can take anywhere from a month to a year to reach this point, and even longer with other people.

Unfortunately, some women misread the signals from their man. They think his comfortable phase means he’s pulling away. Most women’s first instinct is to try hard to bring him closer again. The usual tactic they try is to cling tighter to him, wanting to see him more often and wanting him to reassure her that he’s not leaving.

The reality is men view these tactics as desperation and neediness, which makes them pull away. When their fun-loving, happy girlfriends begin these frantic efforts to cling to them, men feel as though they’ve lost the girl they fell in love with. Instead, they have a stranger who is making him feel as though he can’t do anything right. This is the main reason why men begin to pull away from their girlfriends.

By taking a bit of time out after a break up and working on finding your own confidence again means that you’ll realize you have the power to make yourself happy. You can pursue interests that please you or hang out with friends who make you feel good. These activities should also help you to realize that you don’t need your ex to make you feel happy. You can do that yourself.

With your new self-confidence and positive attitude, you’re in a much better position to call your ex and suggest getting together for a friendly chat over a cup of coffee. Let him see that you’ve found that happy, confident girl he fell in love with and his feelings will come rushing back. Remember, in the beginning of your relationship, it was the happy, easy going version of you that he fell in love with.

No relationship is perfect and of course you’ll have moments where things aren’t so perfect, but by making sure you both enjoy the time you spend with each other, you’ll be less likely to be telling people ‘I lost love‘ and more likely to tell people ‘I found the love of my life’.

When I think about how I lost love, I think about Alfred Lord Tennyson’s quote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  When I lost love, I felt the whole world had collapsed around me.  I’m sharing my story in order to help you if you too have lost the love of your life.

I think it is important to remember that every relationship has a natural lifespan.  In Junior High, that’s about four days.  As we get older, the lifespan increases.  But, there are certain relationships that are right for a period of time and then go awry.  Most of us will only have one great love in our lives.  The other relationships will terminate.  That’s why when I say I lost love, I understand that this is a natural process.

In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship.  Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment.  As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.

But there is something significant about having separate places.  I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level.  I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.

Now, I know I handled the situation badly.  I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand.  Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me.  I lost love over the events of one night.

But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment.  I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in.  I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.

I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex.  But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate.  Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time.  I loved her.  I still love her.  But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.

I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong.  I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things.  Sure, I understood that I had hurt her.  But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.

I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were.  But, every relationship has to grow or die.  Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die.  In every relationship, there is a time to die.  And, for me, this was it.  That’s how I lost love.