I lost love because I did something stupid, how can I get it back?  Unfortunately that question, or variations of it, has been asked millions of times by millions of people throughout history. If you are one of those people there are some things that you can do to help yourself win back that person that you just can’t seem to get over or get out of your heart.

Your approach will be different depending on your unique circumstances but remember that even if your ex is with someone else, that up to 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out and in most cases the couple end up breaking up within six months.

That should give you some hope, and a little breathing room, while you figure things out. The first thing you have to do is to figure out why you did the stupid thing that you did. Were you lashing out at your ex because they said or did something that hurt your feelings, if so, you better learn to grow up and hold your tongue the next time around. Find better ways of dealing with these types of situations, there are right ways and wrong ways of doing things, find the right way.

Was it a case that you were just selfish or insensitive (or maybe both) this too is a signof immaturity, so if you really want to make things work when you are able to get back your ex, you’d better make some changes sooner rather than later.  If you don’t change your behavior, you won’t change the outcome and you’ll be right back saying I lost love because I did someting stupid… again.

A good thing to do is to apologize, sincerely, and explain why you did what you did and what you plan to do to make some changes. A lot of times just having a set ‘game plan’ that you can explain to your ex to let them know you are serious about making changes, will go a very long way to winning back the ex you’ve wronged. Make sure that you can present a specific plan otherwise it might just seem like lip service.

It’s never going to work if you don’t prove to your ex that you’ve made real change and that you’re 100% committed to making yourself a better person, and a better partner.  If you can convince them that you are serious, they’ll have a slightly easier time of trusting you. Remember, that the stupid things you did before caused your ex a lot of pain, and they’re going to think twice before they risk that kind of hurt again. They need to believe that you won’t hurt them again, and just saying it won’t cut it most of the time.

Do not cause yourself, and others, needless pain by continually repeating the same old stupid patterns of behavior over and over again. Instead save yourself a lot of pain and keep yourself from ever having to say ‘I lost love because I did something stupid’ ever again.

Divorces are at an all time high.  Sometimes it seems that it’s easier to get a divorce than to get married.

People get hurt in divorce.  The parties are forever scarred.  Children, if there are any, never get over the hurt.  Knowing this, you may be wondering “How do I stop my divorce?”

There are three steps to stopping a divorce.

The first thing that you have to realize is that saying you’ve changed does not mean you really have changed.  If you are the person who is at fault in the relationship, it’s not enough to give lip service to the idea of change.

If you have been having affairs, for instance, it is going to take time for your partner to believe that you are no longer going back to your wandering ways.  It is not enough to tell your partner that you’re not stepping out anymore.  You will have to take concrete actions.  As an example, you may need to allow your partner to “monitor” your activities by checking in with him or her on a frequent basis.  If your job requires you to travel, you may have to look for a new job that keeps you close to home.

Other things besides affairs can mess up a relationship.  For instance, if the wife’s spending habits are causing money problems which weaken the marriage, she may have to commit to cutting up the credit cards and living on a cash allowance.  If the husband’s work habits keep him away from home too often, he may have to commit to being home by 6:30 every night no matter what.  At the crux of this step is what is the most important thing in your life?  If it is your marriage, you will make the necessary changes.  But don’t just give lip service to them.  Actions speak louder than words.

The next step is to avoid using emotional blackmail if you want to stop your divorce.  Recognize that love is NOT enough to save your marriage.  Telling your partner, “but I love you” in the heat of an argument will not win you any points.  When you say “I love you” at inappropriate times, your partner is forced to say “I love you, BUT…”  this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you.

Use the powerful “I love you” message when your wounds are mended, not at the heat of an argument.

You can’t use logic or guilt to change your partner’s mind.  Arguing like this will only involve a spiraling argument.  If you feel you must win, then you will lose.

Finally, don’t think that you can win an argument.  Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to “prove” they are right and their partner is wrong.  This may work in a formally scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not facts) it’s sure to fail.  Instead of arguing, solve the problem.  If your spouse brings up a fault in you, discuss possible solutions rather than argue back.