Are you still holding a candle for your ex, telling your friends and family ‘I lost the love of my life’? If that sounds like you then there might still be hope to get your relationship back. There are some things anyone can do to make an ex fall madly in love with you all over again. You really can rekindle that old flame.

The first thing you need to think about is what might have gone wrong. Stop worrying about telling people ‘I lost love‘ and think about what positive steps you can take instead. When you can identify what you think went wrong in the relationship, you’re in a good position to begin working on tactics to rectify it and then put some things in place to get your relationship back.

All relationships begin filled with excitement and adrenaline. You both want to please the other person, so you make a big effort to look good and say the right things. You both enjoy each others company, because you’re both trying really hard to be enjoyable.

At this point most relationships move into a comfortable phase, where you both feel a little more relaxed. This is the phase where many relationships break up and it can take anywhere from a month to a year to reach this point, and even longer with other people.

Unfortunately, some women misread the signals from their man. They think his comfortable phase means he’s pulling away. Most women’s first instinct is to try hard to bring him closer again. The usual tactic they try is to cling tighter to him, wanting to see him more often and wanting him to reassure her that he’s not leaving.

The reality is men view these tactics as desperation and neediness, which makes them pull away. When their fun-loving, happy girlfriends begin these frantic efforts to cling to them, men feel as though they’ve lost the girl they fell in love with. Instead, they have a stranger who is making him feel as though he can’t do anything right. This is the main reason why men begin to pull away from their girlfriends.

By taking a bit of time out after a break up and working on finding your own confidence again means that you’ll realize you have the power to make yourself happy. You can pursue interests that please you or hang out with friends who make you feel good. These activities should also help you to realize that you don’t need your ex to make you feel happy. You can do that yourself.

With your new self-confidence and positive attitude, you’re in a much better position to call your ex and suggest getting together for a friendly chat over a cup of coffee. Let him see that you’ve found that happy, confident girl he fell in love with and his feelings will come rushing back. Remember, in the beginning of your relationship, it was the happy, easy going version of you that he fell in love with.

No relationship is perfect and of course you’ll have moments where things aren’t so perfect, but by making sure you both enjoy the time you spend with each other, you’ll be less likely to be telling people ‘I lost love‘ and more likely to tell people ‘I found the love of my life’.

How to win love back is difficult because it goes against every instinct that we have.  For instance, when a woman walks away from a man, it is in his nature to chase her down and recapture her.

Men love the chase.  They love to be on the hunt.  But, when a woman has walked away, she needs space, not a chase.

As hard as it is for men to recognize this, it is sometimes the only way to win love back.

That means that when a woman leaves you, be very careful about what the next actions you take are because they could be crucial in whether you get her back or not.

For instance, don’t call, email, or text the woman.  Let her contact you first.

Women always need to talk.  She won’t be satisfied until she’s had a chance to bring closure to the relationship.  But, let her initiate this call.  By waiting for her to make the call, you have let her know that you are not desperate for her.  This gives you the upper hand.

Now, you may be wondering if this will show her that you don’t care.  But, the opposite is true.  How to win love back begins with a recognition that sometimes women really do need space to figure out what is going on in the relationship.

Sometimes women need to make a “grand gesture” to illustrate their independence.  This can take the form of walking out or saying “I never want to see you again.”

But, if she is in love with you, she doesn’t really mean this.  What she’s really saying is “let me have some time to process what just went on.”

If you have done something to hurt her, you need to be contrite when she calls you.  You need to show that you are ready to make a change and that you value both her and the relationship.  But you need to give her the space she needs to process the hurt.

However, sometimes women make these “grand gestures” simply to get attention.  If you’ve got a game player on your hands, you need to take control right now and let her know that you are not going to put up with her antics.  One way you do this is to not play the game.  And that means not to chase her every time she goes away.

There are many reasons that women walk away from you and tell you that they never want to see you again.  Sometimes they are hurt and sometimes they are just trying to be manipulative.  In either case, you don’t want to be the first one to call because that puts you in the position of being desperate.

Instead, let her call you.  That way, you have some control over how the call goes.  Be sympathetic to her needs, but don’t put up with any bull.  That’s how to win love back.