Are you in love?  Breaking up with your boyfriend can be the most devastating thing in your life if you were truly in love.  How can you get through this situation?

First of all, you need to determine whether the relationship is truly over.  There are a number of ways to get an ex boyfriend back.

You don’t want to chase him.  You want to give him some space, especially in the first days after a break up.  So, don’t pester him with calls or texts.  Instead, let him call you.

If he doesn’t contact you right away, don’t stress about it.  Instead, after about a week, call him yourself.  But, keep it casual.  Don’t go all weepy on him and ask him to get back together.  Also, keep it short.  Five or ten minutes should suffice.

If you are still in love after this amount of time, you need to consider making more fundamental changes.

For instance, do you need a makeover?  Would a new hairstyle or new clothes attract him back?  Do you need to lose a few pounds?

Also, consider whether there were aspects of your personality that drove him away.  Were you always nagging him?  Did you drop all of your own friends and hang around with him exclusively?  You may have been crowding him.

If you have identified areas where you can change, you need to do them.  It may take time, but if he is truly in love, break up won’t last.

But, you also have to be prepared to move on.  Fortunately, any changes you make to win your ex boyfriend back will also help you attract a new guy.  For instance, learning not to nag a man will help you keep any new boyfriend.  And, your new more glamorous self will be sure to attract lots of attention.

Use the time between boyfriends to find out what you really want in a man as well.  What was it that attracted you to your ex?  Did these qualities hold on over time or did they annoy you after a while?  Did you go for someone on the basis of looks only to find out that made for a very vain man?  Did you like his sarcastic sense of humor only to find out that he turned it on you?

You should also use this time between boyfriends to figure out what you want in yourself.  What can you improve – not for the sake of a guy – but to make the quality of your own life better?  This may mean getting back in touch with your girlfriends, taking up a class, or going to church again.

Remember, love break up do happen.  Sometimes you can get back together and sometimes you can’t.  The important thing is to be able to roll with the punches and move on to the newer, better you.

Is getting back together after a break up something that the both of you want to do or is it one sided? This is the place that you need to start. If it is something that the both of you are committed to doing then you very well could see this working out. It will take a commitment from the both of you and a desire to give in and work together to overcome the things that caused the break up or divorce. If, though, it is one sided and you are the only one who is truly interested in getting back together after a break up, then you may be fighting an uphill battle.

What is going to make to getting back together after a break up work or not is total commitment from both of you. Each of you have to be able to concede that you were and are wrong about things. You have to be able to admit that without trying to justify everything. When you try to justify mistakes you made you are essentially making up excuses. Just be able to admit it and move on to correct it. It will likely take both of you working together to overcome your mistakes. It is a partnership that both of you are going to have to be invested in 100% but the commitment level from both of you needs to be totally equal.

It is very easy to think that it is the other person that has to do the work. It is too easy to let one person do the work. If it is just one person who is doing the bulk of the work in this reconciliation effort, it most likely is going to fail. It took two to make the relationship or marriage take place originally. Repairing the relationship is going to take both of you together. You have to struggle together for there to be a life together at all. This is something that you should have known when you first got together and it is something that you have to know for it to work from here on out.

If you are the only one of the two of you who thinks that getting back together after a break up is a good thing, then it is only you who is going to be putting forth the effort. It is sad to say but if it isn’t both of you wanting it and working towards it, it may be a fruitless endeavor. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, it just means that you will have a monumentally tough time making this work. It is hard enough getting back together after a break up when two of you are working for it. Getting back together after a break up on your own may just take a lot more patience and perseverance.

Again, it will be difficult no matter what. What is going to help with the success of it is making sure that you have a good support system. If you have friends and family who are not only encouraging you but helping you, your chances of success grow as you continue getting back together after a break up.

So you’ve been on your own for a couple of weeks now and you wake up one morning with this burning thought in your mind “I want my ex back!”  Which is a pretty normal reaction if you find that you’re still in love with your ex.  What is also natural is that you will find you have no real idea how to go about getting them back.  So you end up looking around for help in order that you don’t make a complete mess in your attempt to win them back.

Well first of all, before you go off trying to get your ex back, make sure that you’re not going through the natural grieving process that comes at the end of a relationship.  At the end of most  relationships there is a period when the hurt and missing is so intense that it is akin to the grieving process.  During this process it is very natural to have the feeling “I want my ex back!”and for that feeling to be all consuming.

This is because you are grieving for all the dreams and hopes you had that were wrapped up in your ex love and your ex relationship.  So make real sure that you’re not going through this process before you attempt to get them back.

Assuming that it is more than natural grieving, you are now ready to make good on your thought that “I want my ex back!” your next move should always be to figure out what went wrong.

This is important, because unless you take the time to go over the mistakes that you might have made, then getting back with your ex will only eventually lead to the same break down in the relationship as before and that will do neither of you any good.  So own your mistakes and anything that you might have done wrong to contribute to the break down of the relationship.

A vital tip to remember is not to focus on what you believe your ex might have done wrong.  Let them take care of their stuff for now and you take care of your own.  There is time in the future for the two of you to dig around in the collective causes, but for now, you must work on your own issues and mistakes.

If you’re sincerely clear that “I want my ex back!” then all that has been outlined is really the start that you need to take to get back with your ex and to secure a future for the two of you that will not fall into the same mistakes and pitfalls of before.