Still in love with your ex?  Looking around for break up help?  Well now you find yourself without the person you’re still in love with you either have to find help to move on or help to win them back.

If you feel you should move on then the kind of break up help you’re going to need depends largely on how bad the relationship and the end of the relationship was.  If it was a major drama that really and seriously took it out of you emotionally, then without a doubt you’re going to need plenty of time to recover and get over the relationship.

Taking care of yourself is always key after any emotional turmoil, but in this case where you’ve been tossed around and you still feel that you love your ex, it is even more key.  Don’t give yourself a hard time for any decisions you made that you now feel in retrospect were wrong decisions. You did the best you could with what you had, so relax and allow yourself to be human.

Make sure that the break up help you need is to look after you and not to look after your ex and what they might be going through.  You have left them behind and though you still have strong feelings for them, they are no longer your responsibility.

If you feel you need to talk to a professional to help you put the whole relationship into perspective then you should do this as soon as possible.  In a situation where you’re still feeling vulnerable and emotional, the sooner you regain your composure and any eroded self-esteem the better.

If the kind of break up help you’re looking for is help to get your ex back, then you need to do some of the things outlined above, but then you also have to make sure you’re implementing a strategy to bring you full circle so you can make up with your ex.

So follow what’s already been outlined: taking care of yourself first and foremost, talk to a professional if you feel you have to and forget about your ex for a few weeks while you recover self-esteem and direction.

Once you’re through the initial re-grouping stage, you then make contact with your ex.  Ask for a meeting somewhere neutral. When you meet your ex, calmly and without being overly emotional explain that you still have feelings for them.  Explain that you’ve had time to think and you’d like another chance to make your relationship work. Take the time to listen to your ex and hear their point of view, you don’t necessarily have to agree with them, but you need to listen.

You then give them time to think and leave to wait for them to call you.  Truth is it could go either way.  Using this break up help guarantees nothing.  Just know this, you have given it your best shot so there is no need to spend endless hours beating yourself up.

How much space in a relationship is necessary? The answer depends a lot on the type of relationship it is, and each person in it. Some people do better when they’re together constantly, and others crave more of their own space in a relationship.

The hard part is finding a happy medium that both people are comfortable with. This is made more difficult when you each have very different ideas about togetherness and space. But as long as you can compromise on the level of space in a relationship that you both need, then you can work through this challenge.

Some people don’t like to be alone. They’re much happier spending all their time with coworkers, friends, family and their partner. When they’re alone and doing things on their own they feel a little lost and lonely.

Other people cherish their alone time. Without a little solitude every day they feel burdened and have a hard time relaxing. They feel that they always have to be “up” or “on” for other people when they’re around them, and it can be exhausting.

Those are two extremes, of course. There are also a lot of people who fall somewhere in the middle. They love the time they spend with their partner, but they also want some me-time to balance it out and recharge.

If both of you fall into that happy medium, then defining your space in a relationship should be pretty easy. And if you each fall into the same extreme group, where you both need lots of space or you both dislike being alone, things are made easier, too.

The problems come when one has a very different idea than the other .If you love your solitude and your partner hates being alone, you really need to talk and set some boundaries. Each needs to understand the other’s point of view so you can come up with a compromise that makes you both feel your needs are met.

If you love being alone each day for a while and your partner craves company 24/7, here’s the problem. When you say you need space in a relationship and go off on your own, your partner will feel neglected as if you don’t want to be around because of them.

And if you hate being alone and your partner really wants some me-time, then by hanging around constantly you can start to make your partner feel smothered. Your partner might also think that there’s no trust there, and you won’t give him or her private time because you’re afraid of what he or she might do when you’re not around.

You can see how both of these situations could quickly cause problems in a relationship. But if you talk to each other honestly and openly about how you feel, then when you need time your partner will understand why.

And when he or she hangs around when you’d rather be alone, you recognize that he or she doesn’t need the same kind of space in a relationship that you do.

When you’ve broken up with someone you care about you have a hard time thinking of anything but how to get girl back.  If you truly want this to happen, you’ll probably have to make some changes. Whatever happened to cause the break up should be looked at.  Was it something you did, or didn’t do?  Is it something that you can still fix, or is it too late?

If it was something you did or didn’t do and you can fix it now, then fix it.  Undo something, or do something you should have done already.  Apologize and make amends.  This alone might not get girl back, but it’s the first step on the path to getting her back. If whatever happened can’t be fixed, then at the very least make sure she knows that you’re sorry and that you’d change what happened if you could.

Now that you’ve moved past what caused the break up, the next step to get girl back is to make her want you back. That sounds like common sense, but so many people don’t do it.  If the relationship ended with her angry, then you have to show her the you that makes her happy again. You’re going to have to be especially patient and forgiving.  Be as sweet as you can possibly be when you talk to her or see her.

Even if you’re angry at the time or you feel far from happy, at least show her the most pleasant side of yourself you can.  Make her remember your good qualities and what she liked about you when you were happy.  If she feels you have truly apologized for what caused the break up and she sees your sweet side again, you might be able to get girl back.

It’s important to pay close attention when you see or talk to her.  Listen carefully and don’t interrupt.  Let her express herself without jumping in and telling her how she ought to feel or what she ought to do.  You won’t get girl back by trying to boss her around!

You also need to pay close attention to see if your efforts are having an effect.  Sometimes you can see that she’s softening to you.  She talks nicer when she sees you, and you have been seeing her more often.  Maybe she even seeks you out more often than she did before.  Or she seeks you out now after ignoring you for a long time.  Your efforts to get girl back are working!

Because she’s so impressed with how sweet you are, she wants to be around you more.  And that only reminds her why she wanted to be with you in the first place.  Pay careful attention also if you suddenly stop seeing her as much as before, or she becomes distant or angry talking when you see her. That’s a good sign that you’re pushing and she’s uncomfortable. Take a break and you’ll have a better chance to get girl back.

You might say, “I’m still in love, my ex isn’t.” This is a difficult situation.  First of all, you don’t really know that your ex is not still in love with you, too.  Your ex may have claimed to not love you anymore, and that’s possible.  But it’s also possible that he or she still harbors feelings for you.  Many couples who still love each other very much break up for other reasons.

If you can honestly say, I’m still in love with my ex, there’s a good chance your ex might still love you.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea to try to get back together.  You broke up for a reason.  Even if you didn’t want to break up and the break off was entirely your ex’s doing, really think hard about things.  It’s rare that a person can’t think back and see reasons why the break-up might be for the best.  It isn’t always easy right at first when you’re still in so much pain from the break-up, but with time you’ll probably see that the break-up might even be good for you.

If the break-up was mutual and now you’re having a hard time because you feel “I’m still in love, my ex should be here with me,” then it’s even more important that you examine why you agreed to the break-up in the first place.  Yes, there is a chance that a mutual split was a mistake.  But if you’ll really look back at the reasons you both had for calling a halt to the relationship, you might find that’s better to love your ex from afar and work through the sadness rather than try to rekindle the romance.

“I’m still in love; my ex even wants to get back together.”  While this might make you feel very hopeful that the two of you might be able to work things out and live happily ever after, don’t be fooled into thinking that it will be easy.  The reasons you broke up are still there.  If you get back together, what will change?  Your relationship might go along well for a while because you’re both so happy to be back together.

If you broke up thinking, I’m still in love my ex, and he or she thought the same so you got back together, you’ll go through a honeymoon period just as you did when you were a new couple.  You’ll both feel like you saved the relationship and kept each other from making a horrible mistake.  But that feel-good honeymoon period will wear off eventually. And then what will you do?

How are you going to prevent the problems that caused you to break up in the first place from coming back and making you want to part ways again? Couples counseling is a good option.  If you think, “I’m still in love with my ex and want him or her back,” then consider counseling to keep old problems from splitting you up again later.

If you’ve had a break-up, you’re probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love.  Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different.  You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything.  Think about how things were and how they will be now.  Try to be as unbiased as you can.  You might decide that the break-up really isn’t a bad idea.

If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize.  You might think you’ve done this.  You might have said you were sorry several times.  But if your ex thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.

If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again.  Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it.  (And hopefully, you do.)

When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them.  You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive.  Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it.  If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it.  And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.

If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up.  If you haven’t forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything.  Old wounds would be reopened and it’s likely that hurtful things would be said.

But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won’t be any need to rehash the past.  While you’re working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you’ll save yourself lots of grief down the road.

Also, to win back lost love, show the person the “you” they fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped.  They were with you because you have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt.  While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best “you” you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.