Ending a relationship is a challenge. It’s so easy to second guess yourself and wonder if you’re making a horrible mistake. Then comes the guilt you’ll feel by causing someone you used to love, and maybe still do, all that pain. Where should you have ‘the talk’? When?  What will you say? What should you make sure not to say?  It’s never easy to break up, but with some forethought you can lessen the pain and awkwardness a little bit.

Do yourself a favor and think long and hard about it before you actually do it. It’s very hard, sometimes impossible, to get back with someone after a breakup so you want to make sure that you’re sure this is the best thing to do…before you do it.  Don’t go off in a huff because the two of you just had a fight. You don’t want to have to swallow your pride and eat your words if you’ve jumped the gun and then had a change of heart.

Of course, if you’re being abused, don’t allow yourself to be talked out of it. This is the one time that you have got to stand your ground.  Other than that, though, take your time while making your decision, no matter what you may think, the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence.  Make sure you’re really ready for all that will happen after the breakup. Don’t expect that you’ll go out and start dating everyone within a 50 mile radius. It’s easy to be a little bored in a relationship and convince yourself that you can do better, but can you?  Really?  You better be sure.

If after all this soul searching you’re still convinced that a breakup is the best way to go, than plan out the best way to go about it. Even though you want out of the relationship that’s no reason to be mean and callous to your soon- to- be ex.  Try to figure out the kindest and gentlest way to end the relationship. Oh, and don’t be a schmuck and breakup with someone right before a major holiday or their birthday. You’ve waited this long you can wait a few days more. No need to tarnish their big day with memories of a painful breakup.

When it comes time to talk to them, pick a quiet place and take your time. Don’t lie to them, be as honest as possible (though if you’re already seeing someone else you may want to spare them that detail) but don’t back down. You’ve given this a lot of thought and you’re sure this is the right thing to do, so do it. They may cry, threaten and plead but you have to stand firm otherwise you’ ll just be repeating the whole scene in a few days or weeks, and who wants to go through that?

Once you’ve done it and the two of you are through, don’t give into temptation and call them, and don’t take their calls if they call you either. You both have to move on and since you’re the one who ended the relationship it’s up to you to be the ‘strong’ one and cut off all contact.  You may be tempted to talk to them, especially if the whole dating everyone within 50 miles thing hasn’t worked out quite the way you planned, but don’t. Make a clean break.

You can’t take away all the pain and make things better for your ex when it comes to ending a relationship, but you can handle the situation with thought and compassion to make things as easy as possible. And you should, because karma can be a witch.

If you want to win back lost love that is from a long time ago there may be an uphill battle ahead for you. If you are like many, you have reached a point in your life that you realize that things might have been better for you if you had taken that other path. You thought the grass was greener on the other side and then realized that it was an illusion. You realize that the love you had a long time ago may be what you are missing. Here are some things to think about when you want to win back lost love from long ago.

First, make sure that there is nothing in your life right now that may missing out on. The mistake you may have made in the past was that you didn’t take advantage of the opportunities that you had at that moment. Make sure that you don’t make the same mistake again by missing out on something potentially good. If you hate looking back and thinking what you may have missed out on now, try to prevent it from happening again. It’s better having love now and to not have to try and win back lost love later because you were too blind.

Second, realize that they may have moved on. Just because you are discontent with your present and are longing for what could have been with the love from long ago doesn’t mean that they are. You could cause yourself and them more harm than good. If they are happy and content, let them be. If they have moved on, it’s a good sign that you should and not be concerned with winning back lost love.

Third, understand that people change over time. Things may have happened in both of your lives that may have made you very different people. Don’t do this to try and relive what once was. Try to win back lost love because you believe that your future will be better than your present and even your past with this person.

Fourth, start off slowly. If they aren’t expecting you to come calling and all of the sudden you are there constantly it may smell of desperation. You may be desperate and be somewhat obsessed about them but don’t let them know. Take your time and don’t let them know how badly you want them back, at least not for a while. Take the time to get to know them again and for them to get to know you.

Lastly, think forward, not backward. What matters now is moving forward. You can’t relive the past but you can make a future with this person. As much as you may want to go back in time, you can’t. You lost it because one or both of you didn’t make the most of chances you were given and you are doomed to repeat it if you don’t take advantage of today. If you have a chance to start this love over or win back lost love, make the most of the moment.