No matter who you are, how old you are, where you live or what your yearly income you have something in common with everyone else on the planet… we all want to love and be loved.

Not terribly profound, I know, but if it is such a basic need, why do so many people struggle to find love and to keep it when they do find it? What is the secret to finding and keeping love?

Well, believe it or not, it’s really not nearly as hard as we make it. It can be boiled down to a few basic concepts. Once you have these concepts understood (and under control) you will not only have a much easier time finding that perfect person for you, you will also have a much better chance at keeping your love alive.

Here are a few points you must understand and accept:

1. If you are flawed you will attract / fall in love with someone else who is flawed. Now, don’t get me wrong, none of us are perfect. But I am talking about the deep seated issues that many of us have.

In many cases we aren’t even aware of what those issues are, but we can recognize that something is going on.

If you always seem to have “bad luck” it is because of your underlying issues and beliefs and the choices you make because of those beliefs. That’s it, whether you believe it or not. Change your underlying feelings and beliefs and you will begin to change your outcome.

It’s as simple as that but just because it is simple, doesn’t mean it will be easy. Identifying those limiting beliefs will be the first challenge and then learning to let those unhealthy and incorrect beliefs go will be challenge two.

2. Once you are a “whole” person who isn’t perfect but have gotten rid of most of your issues, you can find another “whole” person to love. The truth is that most relationships fail because we pick the wrong person. Simple.

Again, we do this because of our own issues and feelings of worthlessness or that we need to be punished for something.

These beliefs can come from anywhere and we all have them. They could be something that got passed down (accidentally) by your parents or something you learned from friends or family.

By going through step one and identifying what issues you have buried… and dealing with them until they are gone, allows you to get rid of all the limiting beliefs that have held you back.

Take away that limiting belief and you can find someone who is worthy of you and someone you can spend a happy lifetime with.

So, don’t give up on your hope of finding and keeping love. Just look inward first. Making yourself the best version of you that you can be will actually make it easier for you to find a great love and increase your chances of keeping that love when you do find it.

If you’re serious about finding a way to win back love, then it means you’re going to have to start using your head and stop following your heart!  It really is that simple.

So let’s look at this!  Your heart is no doubt telling you to drop everything, chase down your ex and make them listen to what you have to say, whether they want to or not.  You heart has convinced you that all your ex has to do is to hear and understand just how much you miss, love and want them back and your ex will forget about everything that went wrong take you back on the spot!  Wrong!

To win back love your head would never tell you to do any of that, instead your head would say back off, get a grip and take your time.  Guess which one you should be listening to!  Yep, your head!

So, leave your ex alone, don’t call them, don’t try to accidentally bump into them wherever you know they hang out and don’t send them love notes – in short make no attempt whatsoever to contact them.

By contacting them, you’re making yourself appear desperate, a pain in the butt and someone that no right minded person would even want to be around never mind consider dating again.  Like a diamond that increases in value the rarer it is, where your ex is concerned, aim to be rare!  Let your ex wonder where you are and why they haven’t heard from you and just like that they will want to hear from you and see you.

If you’re stuck with a problem and the first person you would usually call is your ex, then you’re going to have to figure out how to solve that problem yourself.  Not only does this enhance your standing with your ex, because they realize that you can cope on your own, but it also enhances your own standing in your own head.  If you figure out how to cook that favorite meal that your ex used to cook for you – you realize you can cope!  If you figure out how to change the oil in your car – again you realize that you can cope!

The art to win back love is based in rationale and calmness.  Only then will your ex give you the time of day.  Whatever fire is burning in your heart for your ex, allowing it to run riot and influence you unduly will only be to your detriment.  Calm the flames of your passion and instead use the logical!  That is what will ultimately help you to win back love.

If you are finding yourself saying, “I still love my ex” then you have to figure out what you want to happen next. It is only natural for there to be some residual love hanging around. After all, the two of you shared some special times together and were able to get close. The closeness and love is not easily broken completely. Does the love that is still there mean that you want to get back the one you love? When you say, “I still love my ex” what does that mean?

When someone says “I still love my ex” it is a really good sign because, first of all, it means that there was some love there to begin with. That love was a gift that isn’t easily taken away. There will still be a fondness there and there will be a lot to remember from the marriage or relationship. Much of it will be good memories. Just because there is love still lingering doesn’t mean that you are bound to get back together or that it should even happen. You do need to be asking yourself, “I still love my ex, but do I want my ex back?” If you look at it closely and with a chance to step back and ponder it, you will be more able to see if the two of you are meant to be together.

If you have been able to figure out that your statement, “I still love my ex” is due to just a remaining fondness then don’t feel any need to push it in one direction or another. Just go with the flow. What will happen is that the two of you will either drift away or you will remain friends for a long time. That could be something special on it’s own and something few have. Good friends are hard to find.

If, by saying, “I still love my ex”, you mean that you want to get back together with them then you have to be willing to do some work. You need to first see if the other person has an interest in getting back together with you. This will happen naturally because, like with the above advice, it will happen naturally. Just don’t push it one way or the other and you will tell if the feeling is mutual. When the two of you decide that you want to try again, be ready to work.

If this was a marriage that failed, seek marriage counseling. No matter what kind of relationship it was, though, seek relationship advice from someone trained to do so who can help the two of you build back stronger what had fallen apart. Obviously there were mistakes made and the two of you were incapable of handling it on your own. If you had been getting counseling before, find someone different to get it from. The two of you will need a fresh start and someone that will help the two of you make the relationship stronger.

If you find yourself saying “Help! I still love my ex!” there isn’t any need to panic. Just let things take their course naturally at first and then seek help to get it on the right path. The momentum you two make on your own will make the guidance easier. Before you know it, you won’t be saying, “I love my ex,”  but you will be saying “I’m in love!”