How many times do men ask their friends how do I get my ex girlfriend back?  Honestly, I thought it was a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.  Some men just don’t know when they are onto a good thing and their reasons for ending relationships border on the ridiculous.

My male friends have finished with girls for:

1) wearing the wrong type of shoes!
2) Her mother
3) The new barmaid at his favorite bar smiled at him.

Now ok I know that a pretty face can turn any man’s head and there is the dreaded notion that a woman may turn into her mother but come on guys – the wrong type of shoes?  If women didn’t date men because of the clothes they were wearing the human race would have died out long ago.  Behind every well dressed man is a good woman- in early life his mother and later his wife!

I always tell my men friends that they need to make a list before they break up with their partners.  On one side of the list, you put her good points.  Do you find her interesting? Does she look after you?  Does she cook for you?  Does she laugh at your jokes?  Are you attracted to her?

On the other side of the list, they can put the things that wind them up.  Ok she may nag at little too much but then if you put the toilet seat down she might stop.  She may not want more than a cuddle every evening but five times a week doesn’t mean that she isn’t caring enough.

Writing the good and bad points of your life together down on paper may seem like a cold approach but it is a very practical way of seeing what a great relationship you do/did have. You need to compare the two lists and decide if you should be breaking up with this woman. If you are doing it after the event, it also helps to clarify if you made the right decision to finish the relationship. Sometimes we regret breaking up as we end up feeling lonely.  But loneliness is not a reason to get back together.

If you have dumped the lady in your life but now know it was the wrong decision you need to act fast.  Great life partners do not grow on trees.  She has shown that she will put up with you in all your glory – how many women would be mad enough to do that?

Take a leaf out Richard Gere’s book and put some romance back into her life.  Send her flowers – not a bunch of red roses but some of her favorites.  Send her a handwritten letter telling her how much you love her and miss her.  Book her favorite restaurant and treat her to a night out.  In short, you need to treat her just like the princess you believe her to be and assuming you are not a complete disgrace, you won’t have ask how to get my ex girlfriend back.

When you find yourself saying “I miss my ex girlfriend,” you need to find ways to move forward with your life.  No matter how bad the break up was, there is life after your ex.  Finding your way through the depression that follows the end of the relationship can be hard.  That’s why you need to take concrete actions to move forward.

First of all, you need to work on bringing closure to the relationship.  Closure is the process by which you move on from a situation.  While you may find specific situations in which you say, “I miss my ex girlfriend,” you will not be in this state all of the time.

Begin by definitively saying that the relationship is over.  As long as you think there is a chance that you can get your ex back, you will not be able to move on.  Healing begins with putting an end to the relationship.

Next, you need to physically close the relationship.  You do that by exchanging all of the possessions in the other’s care.  Give her back the toothbrush and curling iron she kept at your house and ask her for the sweat shirt that she had borrowed for the long term.  If you owed each other money, settle up.

Once you have your possessions back, give yourself some physical space.  While you may want to remain friends with your ex in the long run, staying away in the short term will facilitate healing.  Don’t call, text, or email each other.  If she tries to contact you, screen her out.

And, don’t show up at places she is likely to be.  You don’t want to give her any opening to get under your skin.  Seeing her with another guy so soon will just prompt feelings of “I miss my ex girlfriend” all over again.

You may even need to change some of your social habits.  If you go to a small church, you might want to consider changing places of worship at least in the short term.  You may have to pick a new favorite bar or hang out as well.

When you start going new places, you will inevitably meet new people.  Some of these people will be female.  These new women are good prospects for dates.

While it may seem right now that you’ll never want to date another woman, the truth is that the sooner you get back on the dating scene, the sooner you will begin to heal.

It may not be enough to just be available though.  Consider actively seeking out women.  Take a class at the local university’s extension program.  Join a co-ed softball team.  Take up a new hobby.  All of these strategies will allow you to start meeting new women.

If a woman intrigues you, ask her out even if you can’t picture yourself in a long term relationship with her.  A date is just a fun social experience, not a commitment.

Pretty soon, you won’t be saying “I miss my ex girlfriend” nearly as frequently.  You will have moved on with your life.