Forget Divorce – Save Your Marriage

Is your marriage having trouble to the extent that you are considering getting a divorce? Well have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor? There are many different marriage counselors and it can be difficult knowing which one is worth going to. Let’s take a look at some things you should look out for in a marriage counselor.

The first thing you need to do is to find out what their credentials are. There are basically three types of counselors as follows:

1. Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These counselors have put in the hard work to get their positions. They have been to graduate school for a minimum of five years and would have written a dissertation. They would have performed at least 3000 hours of therapy while supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person must have a doctoral level degree to be legally referred to as a ‘clinical psychologist’. Ph.D.’s, although they have put in the hard work, can tend to be more academic in nature and you may find that they will do a bit of forensic work along with the therapy.

2. M.S.W. – Master of Social Work. This type of counselor is trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work with individuals or with institutions.

3. M.S. or M.A. – or also known as ‘Marriage and Family Therapist’. These counselors may only work with individuals or with small groups. They will have gained a 2 year degree and have done 1500 hours of supervised therapy.

If you are planning to use insurance cover to help fund your marriage counseling then they will probably point you in the direction of a Marriage and Family Therapist or a M.S.W. as these are less expensive than a Ph.D. level counselor.

The second thing you need to do is find out how much the counseling will cost. You will find that clinical psychologists are generally more expensive and Marriage and Family Therapists will be the least expensive. The least expensive may not always be the best option, you need to choose the best option for saving your marriage.

You need to consider both the individual session cost as well as the overall cost for the entire length of treatment.

Some therapists may have a sliding scale fee and this is often based on a couple’s income. It is usually non-profit institutions that will offer this type of fee which can make counseling affordable for those who may not otherwise be able to afford it.

The third thing that you need to look at is the policies that a therapist has. Some questions you may want to ask are:

* Do you still pay for a session if you miss it or cancel it?
* If you go on vacation and let them know ahead that you will miss a session will you still be required to pay for it?
* Does the therapist accept phone calls at home or outside of normal session times?
* Is there an alternative therapist that you can call in an emergency?

A Marriage and Family Therapist is trained to help families work through any issues so it is their job to help you to save your marriage. You should feel comfortable talking to a counselor and if for any reason you just don’t feel comfortable with a particular therapist then you should stop seeing them and find one that you will be comfortable with.

Before giving up on your marriage and filing for divorce, try marriage counseling to try and save your marriage.

Dealing With Lost Love

There have been so many things written about lost love, yet none of them really resonate with us…until we have lost a love of our own. Then, all of a sudden, all of the books, poems, movies and songs make so much more sense; they really speak to us. If you have recently gone through a divorce or a break up, then there is hope.

While it’s not enough to make you feel 100% better, you can take at least a small measure of comfort from knowing that you are not alone. Countless people have had to deal with the same thing. Granted, no two situations are exactly the same, just as no two people are the same. However, there has been enough shared heartache over the centuries that some really good advice has been handed down.

Of course you feel awful, and that’s perfectly normal. Guilt, anger, shame, confusion, doubt, sadness, depression, relief, and any number of other emotions all mix together. You’re not really sure what to make of it. Sometimes you do quite well, and other times it’s so painful that it seems as though you will never be the same again. Take heart! Just because you have lost love doesn’t mean you have lost your mind…at least not permanently.

Take some time to get away from everything. Now, that doesn’t mean you should crawl into a corner and wallow in self-pity. But you should try to clear your mind of the break for a while. If you have any vacation time from work, then now may be a good time to take it. A small vacation where you aren’t surrounded by constant reminders of your past relationship is a good way to get the fresh perspective you need.

When you come back you can start to look at the relationship again. The key is not get too worked up about it. If you find that you get over-emotional when thinking about it, then take a break, and return to it when you are ready again. You must work through this.

The reason working through it is so important is that it’s the only way to get past it. It may seem impossible, but it can be done. You must confront those feelings, and the events that caused your lost love. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Each time you do it, you will find your feelings improving little by little.

The truth is that it doesn’t work for everybody, so what if this isn’t enough to make you feel better? Then it’s time to get help from someone else. This can be a friend, member of the clergy or a counselor. Whom you choose isn’t as important as the fact that you’re getting some help. There is no reason why you need to feel miserable forever after a break up. And whether you ever try to work things out or not, getting back to some sense of normalcy will only make you better in the long run.

Communicate Before Marriage Values Religion Etc-Blinded By Love

You see a lot online or in magazines or on t.v. about how to deal with problems and issues in a relationship or marriage. The sad thing is that most of these problems could easily have been avoided if people would have just taken some time to communicate before marriage values, religion etc. Finding out what you have in common, what you don’t agree on and what you may be able to compromise on before you are married can save a lot of stress and tension after you are married.

Hey, I’m not criticizing anyone, I did the same thing. I ignored very obvious warning signs that my soon to be husband wasn’t really the man for me. I was in love and apparently blind, because I went through with it and we got married. I did get two wonderful, beautiful children out of the marriage so I guess I won’t complain, but many of the hurts and issues we faced could have been avoided if both of us had been more honest.

It become clear fairly early on that we didn’t really have that much in common. We each wanted different things in a marriage. I wanted my best friend and companionship. Someone who I knew always had my back, even when I was wrong or just not very lovable. He wanted someone to cook and clean for him. He didn’t want a partner, we wanted a maid and a call girl. He was very immature and emotionally stunted, that too become pretty clear early on.

If you don’t want your marriage to end up in divorce, take some time to
communicate before marriage values, religion etc. Finding out what your soon to be spouse is really like can be the difference between a wonderful marriage or a nightmare. Here are some basic things the two of you should be on the same page about (or at least be able to find a good compromise on):

1. If religion is something that is very important to you, it might be a good idea to marry someone with similar beliefs. If you have some belief in a higher power but you aren’t too tied to any one organized religion, than it may not be a problem.

2. Do you want to have kids? If so, how many? How do you think they should be raised, should one parent stay home with them or are you both ok with the idea of daycare? If one parent should stay home, which parent? All of this is very important to take into consideration. If you have a great career you love and your soon to be husband has very traditional values and expects you to stay home and raise the kids, how is that going to make you feel?

3. What about money? Is one of you a someone who likes to pinch every penny and the other likes to rack up the credit cards to the limit? If so, how is that going to work? It will be a constant source of stress between the two of you. Also, who handles the money and financial issues, like getting insurance, paying the bills, etc.? Some couples like to do it together, which is best. But others may think that only one should do it. Find out what your partner is thinking.

Communicate before marriage values, religion etc is a good idea and may just save your marriage.

Relationship And People-May Help You Make A Difficult Decision

If you are in a relationship and people are telling you in no uncertain terms that they think you should get out of the relationship maybe it is something you should listen to closely. Most people in a relationship can’t see the bad stuff that is right in front of their faces and need someone close to them to point things out.

Even if you do not believe the people who are close to you, hear them out. They are on the outside looking in and have a different perspective than you do. Love is blind and if things are bad enough for someone close to you to want to step in then just keep an open mind and listen to what they have to say. Your relationship and people close to you are both important and you do not want to alienate anyone.

Maybe you just do not want to leave the relationship because you are afraid you will not be able to support your children and yourself. Remember that if you move out and divorce him, he will most likely have to pay child support. That will help.

I know someone who set everything up about six months before she was going to leave. She went and spoke with the housing people and filled out all their forms and actually had a place to take her kids right away when she left. She got a little money in the divorce and with her job and the child support she was able to manage just fine.

If this appeals to you then keep in mind that these types of applications can take some time to get approved so give yourself plenty of time before you make the move. When you do get out of your bad relationship, do not just move down the street or into your parent’s home. This will make it too easy for your spouse to find you. Move to the next county if you can so it is harder for him to find you and this will give you more time to sort things out and get everything in order for the divorce.

You can ask your family and friends for support and help you with babysitting and things like that, this should make the transition for your children better. They can be with people they know and not strangers in a day care center. They will be able to spend more time with their grandparents or other family members this way, too.

You could take the time right after you move out to find counselors for you and the kids, too. Get busy fixing the damage done by the bad relationship. The more you heal before you have to have contact with your soon-to-be-ex the better off you and the kids will be after the divorce. Do not just think that things will take care of themselves. They may or may not so why take chances? Get the help you need right off the bat. You can survive this relationship and people who love you are here to help.

Relationship After Cheating-Kick Him To The Curb

You just found out that your spouse is cheating. What happens to your relationship after cheating is pretty much up to you at this point? Do you forgive and forget or do you kick him to the curb? Frankly, if it were me, I would kick him to the curb. You could never trust him again and, seriously, why would you ever want to try?

I don’t like being played for a fool, he would be gone so fast he would not know what hit him. But then what? Where would you be then? All alone with no one to talk to? If you were really in love then the hurt would be completely devastating and it would take a lot of time to get over him. It would be difficult to enter into another relationship after cheating.

When you make the decision to kick him to the curb you automatically take control from him. You get you back and you get to start making the rules. No more passivity, no more depending on him for your happiness. Tell him that it is over and done then absolutely refuse to have any contact with him whatsoever. He is no longer worth your time. If he wants to talk to you he should do it through your lawyer.

Let the anger you feel be your guide, for now. Do not let it consume you because it will literally eat you up inside and you will not be good to anyone, especially yourself. So, use the anger effectively to get through the divorce and then learn to let it go. See someone to help if you need to but find a way to let it go.

One good way to vent your anger and other feelings is to start a daily journal. This is a way to track how you are dealing with the wrong that was done to you. You can vent all you like and say anything you want when you put it in a journal. Journal writing can be very cleansing, not to mention healing. It is there for you only to get your feelings out, no one can take that away from you.

You may feel some depression over the loss of the relationship and this is completely normal. If it doesn’t feel like ti will ever get better then see your doctor or find a counselor to talk things out with. There are medications you can take short term to help with situational depression and so you can cope with the stress of daily life. Don’t be afraid to take these medications they can and do help lots of people deal with depression. You can take them until you start to feel better then wean your doctor can help you wean off of them. Do not ever do it your self, always follow doctor’s orders.

Eventually you will get to a good place both in your head and in your life where you can be happy and start looking for another relationship. This will take some time though so do not rush things. Stay connected to your feelings by continuing to write in your journal every night before you go to bed. Occasionally read back when you first started the journal and see how you have changed and progressed. You should see a natural progression of feelings and coping mechanisms that get you to where you can handle your relationship after cheating.