Relationship Counseling – You both have to Want to GO

Being together with someone you care about isn’t always easy. You may have started off on the right foot, and may have thought that you would be that happy for the rest of your life…but then reality paid you a visit and now things aren’t looking quite as good. What may surprise you is that over half of all couples have received relationship counseling of some kind while they were together. Here are some things for you to consider when it comes to seeing a counselor.

A counselor is not a miracle worker. They can’t just wave a magic wand and make your relationship perfect. What they can do is listen to each of you (separately and together), and offer suggestions based on what you have told them.

The purpose of visiting a counselor is not to win some imaginary contest, nor is it to prove you are right and that your partner is wrong. If that’s your attitude, then you can be sure that changing that attitude is one of the first things the counselor is going to try to do. In some ways–depending how bad things are–the counselor’s role is to tear down all of the nasty walls you have put up, and then rebuild on a more harmonious foundation.

One thing you should watch out for is more arguing. What? Yes, that’s right, a lot of couples find that they argue more after their first few sessions of relationship counseling. That’s because they are learning new ways to communicate, and this change can bring stress of its own. Don’t worry, though, if you stick with the counseling you will get past this and start to get along better and better.

Just having somebody to listen to your side of things can be quite therapeutic. Maybe you feel like your partner doesn’t get what you’re trying to say, or maybe you feel like they ignore you completely. Either way, having an objective party lending an ear can be a great way to work through things.

But why use a counselor at all, can’t you get a lot of the same information from self-help books? You sure can. Let me ask you this: have you tried any of those books, and if so, how are they working for you? If they’re not working, that’s okay, it’s not your fault. See, the author can only pass along what they know, but they don’t know you personally. Their advice may be wonderful…for somebody else, but it just doesn’t work for you. A counselor can listen to your specific problems and then craft solutions that will work best for your specific situation.

There is a catch to all of this. Nothing will happen if you do nothing. While that may sound like common sense, far too many couples go to relationship counseling and never follow through on any of the qualified professional advice they are given. That’s too bad because if they did, they could end up being happier than ever. The good news is that the choice to be happy is all yours.

Relationship Counseling – You both have to Want to GO

Being together with someone you care about isn’t always easy. You may have started off on the right foot, and may have thought that you would be that happy for the rest of your life…but then reality paid you a visit and now things aren’t looking quite as good. What may surprise you is that over half of all couples have received relationship counseling of some kind while they were together. Here are some things for you to consider when it comes to seeing a counselor.

A counselor is not a miracle worker. They can’t just wave a magic wand and make your relationship perfect. What they can do is listen to each of you (separately and together), and offer suggestions based on what you have told them.

The purpose of visiting a counselor is not to win some imaginary contest, nor is it to prove you are right and that your partner is wrong. If that’s your attitude, then you can be sure that changing that attitude is one of the first things the counselor is going to try to do. In some ways–depending how bad things are–the counselor’s role is to tear down all of the nasty walls you have put up, and then rebuild on a more harmonious foundation.

One thing you should watch out for is more arguing. What? Yes, that’s right, a lot of couples find that they argue more after their first few sessions of relationship counseling. That’s because they are learning new ways to communicate, and this change can bring stress of its own. Don’t worry, though, if you stick with the counseling you will get past this and start to get along better and better.

Just having somebody to listen to your side of things can be quite therapeutic. Maybe you feel like your partner doesn’t get what you’re trying to say, or maybe you feel like they ignore you completely. Either way, having an objective party lending an ear can be a great way to work through things.

But why use a counselor at all, can’t you get a lot of the same information from self-help books? You sure can. Let me ask you this: have you tried any of those books, and if so, how are they working for you? If they’re not working, that’s okay, it’s not your fault. See, the author can only pass along what they know, but they don’t know you personally. Their advice may be wonderful…for somebody else, but it just doesn’t work for you. A counselor can listen to your specific problems and then craft solutions that will work best for your specific situation.

There is a catch to all of this. Nothing will happen if you do nothing. While that may sound like common sense, far too many couples go to relationship counseling and never follow through on any of the qualified professional advice they are given. That’s too bad because if they did, they could end up being happier than ever. The good news is that the choice to be happy is all yours.

Do you need a relationship rescue plan? If life has gotten in the way of the two of you spending quality time together and all you seem to be doing lately is sniping at each other about stupid stuff that really doesn’t mean anything, maybe you two need a break.

Plan a weekend away and just go relax and try to reconnect. It doesn’t have to be expensive or even far away. Just somewhere the two of you can spend some time alone and start to rebuild your relationship.

While taking your weekend away, plan to talk things out. Promise each other you will both be as open and honest about everything as you can be. You need to work together to save your relationship.

Another suggestion would be to join a group (maybe your church offers one) that is taking couples on a retreat, if you are both willing. Not exactly couples counseling but if you feel as though you need a relationship rescue, a couples retreat could work out nicely for both of you. You will be required to open up and talk about your feelings during group therapy discussion, compete with the other couples in physical challenges, and learn how to better communicate with your partner by completing specialized communication exercises with your partner.

A couples retreat could be very eye opening and beneficial in learning what your partner thinks about your relationship. You may learn something you did not know about your partner and vice versa. Anything fresh and new that the two of you can share will open up doors you did not know were there and inject new life into your relationship.

When you get home, make a plan for the future. Sit down together and list some goals that you each would like to see happen in one year, five years, ten years. You get the picture. When each of your lists are complete then compare them, see what goals you have in common and try to combine them so you have one list with mutual goals on it. Keep any other goals on a separate list and pick one from it when the mutual goals have been realized in the time frame you chose.

If one of your goals is to remodel a section of the house, again sit down and plan out everything that you think a remodel would entail. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page when it comes to the type of fixtures you want and what you want the finished room to look like. Good communication is necessary to complete a project like a remodel and to reduce or eliminate misunderstandings it is essential to talk things through and have a plan. Whether you plan to do the work yourselves or hire it out communicating effectively with each other and the contractor you hire is very important.

So now you know that if you need a relationship rescue plan, your relationship really is in your hands and the two of you can make it or break it. It is all up to you.

If you want to stop divorce, you have to convince the person what wants to divorce you to give the relationship another try. This isn’t always possible, but it’s absolutely necessary if you have a chance of stopping a divorce. A divorce can be stopped at virtually any stage—before it’s filed or just before it needs the final paperwork. The earlier you stop a divorce, the more likely it is that the divorce won’t be restarted, at least not anytime soon.

So to stop a divorce, you must convince the person to give the relationship another chance. If you have been begging the other person to give you another try or pleading for them to get back together with you, stop now. This might seem counterproductive, as if now that the person has less resistance it will make it easier for them to divorce you. But your pleading probably wasn’t doing anything but convincing them that divorce is a good idea anyway. Who wants to be around someone who is behaving that way?

If you can start acting more mature and behave in a more pleasant manner, it might surprise the other person and help stop divorce. Explain that you really don’t want the divorce and you want another chance in a calm way. The person already knows this so you screaming or carrying on won’t help your chances. Just make it clear that you’re hurt and very sad, and you really want another chance. You might be surprised how the other person reacts when you change your behavior.

You can also show a mature side of yourself that the other person might not have seen over the last several weeks and suggest marital or couples counseling to stop divorce. Counseling has worked for million of couples and your relationship could benefit from it, too. If you can get the other person to agree to couples counseling, then you have precious time before they file for or attempt to finalize a divorce to convince them to give you and the relationship another chance.

During counseling you’ll have the opportunity to show the person why they fell in love with you. You can remind them why you’re together in the first place. And if you can show honest effort in wanting to deal with the problems that come up during the counseling—and many probably will—that might be enough to convince the other person not only to stop divorce temporarily, but permanently.

When you succeed and stop divorce, you must remember that the person was about to divorce you and it would be easy enough for them to change his or her mind and file for divorce later. Having already thought about divorce and maybe even having gone far enough as to file for divorce at one time makes the decision to file again easier. So be aware of the state of your relationship, and perhaps continue counseling. It’s easier to stop divorce temporarily than to have a good relationship for the long term.

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.