Dealing With Lost Love

There have been so many things written about lost love, yet none of them really resonate with us…until we have lost a love of our own. Then, all of a sudden, all of the books, poems, movies and songs make so much more sense; they really speak to us. If you have recently gone through a divorce or a break up, then there is hope.

While it’s not enough to make you feel 100% better, you can take at least a small measure of comfort from knowing that you are not alone. Countless people have had to deal with the same thing. Granted, no two situations are exactly the same, just as no two people are the same. However, there has been enough shared heartache over the centuries that some really good advice has been handed down.

Of course you feel awful, and that’s perfectly normal. Guilt, anger, shame, confusion, doubt, sadness, depression, relief, and any number of other emotions all mix together. You’re not really sure what to make of it. Sometimes you do quite well, and other times it’s so painful that it seems as though you will never be the same again. Take heart! Just because you have lost love doesn’t mean you have lost your mind…at least not permanently.

Take some time to get away from everything. Now, that doesn’t mean you should crawl into a corner and wallow in self-pity. But you should try to clear your mind of the break for a while. If you have any vacation time from work, then now may be a good time to take it. A small vacation where you aren’t surrounded by constant reminders of your past relationship is a good way to get the fresh perspective you need.

When you come back you can start to look at the relationship again. The key is not get too worked up about it. If you find that you get over-emotional when thinking about it, then take a break, and return to it when you are ready again. You must work through this.

The reason working through it is so important is that it’s the only way to get past it. It may seem impossible, but it can be done. You must confront those feelings, and the events that caused your lost love. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Each time you do it, you will find your feelings improving little by little.

The truth is that it doesn’t work for everybody, so what if this isn’t enough to make you feel better? Then it’s time to get help from someone else. This can be a friend, member of the clergy or a counselor. Whom you choose isn’t as important as the fact that you’re getting some help. There is no reason why you need to feel miserable forever after a break up. And whether you ever try to work things out or not, getting back to some sense of normalcy will only make you better in the long run.

Same Sex Marriage And Family Dynamics Are No Diffrent

Whether you think it’s right or wrong, the truth is that some people are born to be attracted to members of their own sex. It happens in the wild with many species of animals and it happens with humans. Today more of these same sex couples are entering into marriage. The question many people are asking is what are the same sex marriage and family dynamics?

Well, the truth is it’s pretty much the same as a heterosexual couples family dynamics. There was a recent movie that portrayed a lesbian couple raising two children. It was interesting because they were a totally “normal” family. They dealt with the same issues, the same worries and problems that any family has to deal with.

In this movie the sperm donor makes a sudden appearance back in their lives and the kids want to meet him. When they do it threatens the moms. But, that is just like any situation where a child has been raised by a non biological parent and the other parent suddenly shows up.

If you take away the fact that the married couple were two women, the movie just showed family life like it is lived out all over this country. There are many instances of one parent not being up to the task, only to reappear years later when the kids are grown. The confusion, the resentments and the same sex marriage and family dynamics are no different than that of any other family.

We all have the roles we play in all of our relationships. We take a certain role in our work life, we take on a certain role in our family and with our parents and we take on a certain role in our home life. That is based more on our personality and that of our spouse than our sexual orientation.

The dynamics of the family will vary and ebb and flow based on what outside pressures are being applied. Whether it is a same sex marriage or a heterosexual marriage, problems can and do arise.

A layoff and subsequent loss of income is an enormous stressor and can really set the normal family dynamic on it’s ear. There are so many other things that can and do happen to families of all types heterosexual, homosexual, single parent, grandparent led, etc.

Even something as simple and normal as the kids getting older and the issues they face can cause a ripple in the dynamics of the family. Dealing with issues your kid may face such as drug use, sexual behaviors, bullying, depression, etc. All of these things affect the normal family dynamic no matter what type of family it is.

There are some who would like to find fault with, or try to say that the
same sex marriage and family dynamics are wrong or abnormal. The truth is that there never really was a “normal” family dynamic. Many people cling to the “values” of the 50′s but in reality there weren’t a lot of values then.

In those days a man could beat his wife and as long as he didn’t kill her it was ok. Women were really out of luck if their husband was abusive, divorce was virtually unheard of and even if she did get away, she would have a hard time finding a job and supporting herself. Her boss could could blatantly harass her sexually and she had no protection. Some family values, huh?

The fact of the matter is that the good old days weren’t really all that good for many in our society. If the marriages of today, whether same sex or not, are more about love, companionship and partnerships, than control or abuse, than I would say that the same sex marriage and family dynamics are just fine.

Finding the best ways of handling  relationship breakups is a skill no one wants to be able to perfect.  In this case practice may make perfect but no on wants to endure the pain, confusion and humiliation once, let alone several times during their lives. The truth is though that most of us will go through it at least a couple of times. And though it sucks, having some idea of the best way to get through it may just help you keep yourself sane the next time it happens.

There  is no pill, potion, or spell that will take the pain away. The one thing that will take the pain away is time, sorry, but that’s the truth. But, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that you can do that will help lessen the pain, or at least distract you from it for a little while. There are many things that can do that. Just make sure when you are struggling to find something to dull the pain a little that you don’t fall into the trap of using destructive things because that will only cause more pain in the long run.

1. Give yourself a very limited time to wallow, I didn’t say grieve, that will take as long as it takes. What I’m talking about  is the “don’t get dressed, eat nothing but ice cream, and don’t leave your house for a week” wallowing. That has to be a limited time offer. It can be up to a week, but that’s it. Even though you’ll still be hurting after a week it’s time to get back out in the world and live your life.  Before you move out of this stage though you should put away all the pictures and knick knacks that remind you of your ex. You probably shouldn’t throw them away, you might want to some day, but wait until you’re out of pain and you’re sure you want to get rid of them. For now just stow them away in the basement or attic, out of sight.

2. Once you’ve gotten past the wallowing and you’re in the ‘I’m alive, though barely’ stage spend as much time as possible doing things that are fun (or at least you used to think  they were fun before this pain started).  Spend as much time doing positive things with positive people as you can.  It won’t take away the pain but it may dull it for short periods of time and that can help enormously.

One word of caution: do not get involved with anyone sexually or romantically at this point. You’re not ready and you’ll either feel guilty afterward or you’ll hurt an innocent person. Just take some time to be on your own romantically until your truly ready to move on, and if you really loved your ex, that won’t happen for a while.

Relationship breakups stink, sorry, but there’s no polite way to say it. Just do what you can to move through the grieving stage as quickly and easily as possible and believe that some day you will meet someone wonderful, again.

Although a breakup with a boyfriend or with a girlfriend can be really depressing, it does not need to mean that the relationship is over. Even if the breakup should suddenly leave you feeling confusion and loneliness, you may still feel really eager to heal the wounds and jump right back in to that relationship with your ex. If you are asking yourself  “How can I get my ex back?”, then there are some things you need to know. If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting ex back will be easier than ever.

It can seem hard to keep up a cheerful attitude throughout your day following a breakup, but it is believed by relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way. Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can answer the question “how can I get my ex back?”
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