Perhaps it’s a sad commentary on our society that the legal requirements for marriage are relatively simple. The main things the law wants to be assured of is that both parties are old enough, not related and that they pay to file the marriage license. Let’s face it, that’s a pretty low bar to get over. This lack of more marriage requirements must also be one of the root causes for the high divorce rate in this country. But as you will see, that doesn’t have to be the case.

Those are only the legal marriage requirements though. Virtually any couple that wants to get married can do so. It’s easy; maybe too easy. However, the other prerequisites are much more meaningful and have a bigger impact on how happy a couple will be. What these requirements all basically boil down to are compatibility.

But what about the concept of “opposites attract”? The truth is that it is more of a romantic notion than true reality. Study after study has shown that even if opposites do attract, they very rarely stay together. this is because there is too little common ground on which to build a relationship. While it can be appealing to meet somebody that is so different from you, the novelty soon wears off. That doesn’t mean you should each be carbon copies of one another, far from from it. But you should have a few things in common. Of course, these are all things you should know before you even start thinking about getting married.

There are three main requirements for marriage. If you find that any of these are missing, that’s okay. Just being aware of them gives you a chance to make them a part of your relationship or improve on them if needed.

Good Communication. You have to be able to talk to each other, not at each other. The secret to this is listening. That’s much more than hearing what your spouse is saying, you also have to pay attention and try to really understand. If you are unable to communicate with one another, then your marriage is headed for trouble. The good news is that better communication techniques can always be learned. That being said, communication will only work if you meet the next prerequisite.

Respect. Everything derives from respect. You take each other seriously (in a good way) and are accepting of you each are. Don’t talk down to each other. While you may each have different roles within the marriage, neither one of you is more important than the other.

Love. As the old saying goes, “Love conquers all”. When you have love, you can live with the other things not being what they should be. However, there can be a problem when only one of you are in love. This puts things too far out of balance, and means it will be harder to work things out. But as long as the feelings of love are mutual, there are no other requirements of marriage that really matter.

Do you care?  Asking yourself the question does my ex want to get back with me is the wrong way forward.  The real question is do you want your ex back?  If the answer to that is yes, then you can start worrying about what your previous partner wants.

A lot of people never understand why their relationship ended.  I find it amazing that many people going through a divorce are unable to explain why they are ending their marriage, especially when there are children involved.

It takes two to break up a relationship despite the fact that it is very easy to blame the other person. Even when someone else has an affair, it isn’t always 100% their fault. Don’t get me wrong, I am not condoning anyone being unfaithful but sometimes people are pushed into things.  If you take your man or woman for granted and forget to pay them any attention, they may end up looking somewhere else.  Some people will have affairs just because they can get away with it.  These people do not belong in a monogamous relationship.  But sometimes, a relationship is worth saving and the affair, whilst hurtful, can eventually strengthen the bonds between the couple.

Examining why a couple broke up will help both parties understand the issues in their relationship.  It will highlight those areas that require work.  All partnerships involve work and commitment.  Men and women often appear to live on different planets never mind speak other languages.  My husband once said to my Dad that he didn’t understand me.  My dads’ reply: that is where you are going wrong son you Never try to understand a woman!

Whilst it is the sexual attraction that initially attracts men and women, it is their compatibility that will keep them together long after the sexual flame resembles a candle as opposed to a flame thrower.  So before you start wondering how your ex partner is feeling, you need to be certain of your own wants and desires. Are you sure that this person is right for you?  Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with them?  Do you want the same things out of life i.e. kids, traveling, similar standard of living etc?   Do you share the same ideals and views about how to live your life?

It is very important to first establish if you would like to try again.   Knowing what you want will help you to work out what your ex wants.   Despite what Hollywood and other entertainment providers would have you believe, men want stable happy relationships just as much as women.   Generally the male is not as good as vocalizing what he wants and can finish a relationship rather than have to deal with a bad patch.

So instead of wasting time trying to answer does my ex want to get back with me, why not invite him round for coffee and see what happens.