Forget Divorce – Save Your Marriage

Is your marriage having trouble to the extent that you are considering getting a divorce? Well have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor? There are many different marriage counselors and it can be difficult knowing which one is worth going to. Let’s take a look at some things you should look out for in a marriage counselor.

The first thing you need to do is to find out what their credentials are. There are basically three types of counselors as follows:

1. Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These counselors have put in the hard work to get their positions. They have been to graduate school for a minimum of five years and would have written a dissertation. They would have performed at least 3000 hours of therapy while supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person must have a doctoral level degree to be legally referred to as a ‘clinical psychologist’. Ph.D.’s, although they have put in the hard work, can tend to be more academic in nature and you may find that they will do a bit of forensic work along with the therapy.

2. M.S.W. – Master of Social Work. This type of counselor is trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work with individuals or with institutions.

3. M.S. or M.A. – or also known as ‘Marriage and Family Therapist’. These counselors may only work with individuals or with small groups. They will have gained a 2 year degree and have done 1500 hours of supervised therapy.

If you are planning to use insurance cover to help fund your marriage counseling then they will probably point you in the direction of a Marriage and Family Therapist or a M.S.W. as these are less expensive than a Ph.D. level counselor.

The second thing you need to do is find out how much the counseling will cost. You will find that clinical psychologists are generally more expensive and Marriage and Family Therapists will be the least expensive. The least expensive may not always be the best option, you need to choose the best option for saving your marriage.

You need to consider both the individual session cost as well as the overall cost for the entire length of treatment.

Some therapists may have a sliding scale fee and this is often based on a couple’s income. It is usually non-profit institutions that will offer this type of fee which can make counseling affordable for those who may not otherwise be able to afford it.

The third thing that you need to look at is the policies that a therapist has. Some questions you may want to ask are:

* Do you still pay for a session if you miss it or cancel it?
* If you go on vacation and let them know ahead that you will miss a session will you still be required to pay for it?
* Does the therapist accept phone calls at home or outside of normal session times?
* Is there an alternative therapist that you can call in an emergency?

A Marriage and Family Therapist is trained to help families work through any issues so it is their job to help you to save your marriage. You should feel comfortable talking to a counselor and if for any reason you just don’t feel comfortable with a particular therapist then you should stop seeing them and find one that you will be comfortable with.

Before giving up on your marriage and filing for divorce, try marriage counseling to try and save your marriage.

Are you thinking of divorce?  Save your marriage by seeing a marriage counselor.  There are many therapists who say they do marriage counseling, but how do you know which ones are really good?  This article will give you a checklist of things to look for in a family therapist.

First of all, you want to see what their credentials are.  There are three basic classes of counselors.

The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor.  These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation.  In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist.  In order to legally call yourself a “clinical psychologist” the person must have a doctoral level degree.  Ph.D.’s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.

Then there is the M.S.W.  This means Master of Social Work.  Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations.  They can work in institutions or with individuals.

Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling.  Often called a “Marriage and Family Therapist,” these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations.  They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis.  They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

If you are using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they are less expensive.

Second, you have to determine what the price will be.  Clinical psychologists tend to be the most expensive while Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive.  Remember you are trying to stop divorce.  Save marriage by finding the best fit not the most (or least) expensive professional.

Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.

Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couple’s income.  If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.

Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has.  Some of these policies include:

·    What happens if you miss or cancel a session?
·    Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session?
·    Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session?  Do they accept calls at home or just at the office?
·    Is there an alternative person you can call in an emergency?

A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you don’t have split up.  Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal.  If you don’t feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save your marriage.

What can save your marriage when everything seems hopeless?

Marriage is considered a sacred institution by most of the world’s religions.  It is the foundation of the family, which, in turn, is the foundation for society.  So, there is a lot of emphasis on saving a marriage.

But that doesn’t mean that marriages today don’t run into trouble.  The changing roles of men ad women, financial pressures, and difficulties with children all make it hard to make marriages work.

So who do you turn to?

Perhaps the best place to look is the institution that values marriage more than any other – the church.

While a clinical psychologist or licensed family therapist will take an individualistic approach to marriage counseling, a pastor will focus on making the marriage work in a wholistic sense.  Over all, this has a better chance of actually saving the marriage.

Why is a pastoral counselor better than a secular therapist?

A secular therapist’s education focuses almost entirely on treating individual psychopathologies.  Even “Marriage and Family” designated counselors may have only one class or elective dealing specifically with couple’s therapy.  Do you think this approach can save marriage?

A pastoral counselor, on the other hand, will be educated in how to bring couples closer together.  With the exception of abuse in the relationship, they have the fundamental belief that once the vows are taken, the marriage is forever.

Some pastoral counselors have formal education in counseling.  More and more seminaries are offering pastoral counseling degrees.  But even ministers without a formal degree take classes and seminars in the subject.

If you don’t have a church home, you might have some difficulty finding a pastor to help you.  And, you don’t have six months to establish membership in a church before approaching the pastor.

In this case, you can call various churches and ask them if they have any upcoming couples retreats where you can save marriage through these weekend seminars.  Once you have established a relationship with a skilled pastor in these settings, you may be able to do follow up counselor with the same person.

A good couple’s retreat will help you deal with many different types of issues.  There will be group sessions and couple’s sessions.  You will also have time to work on questions individually.

Communication is a big issue at these conferences.  If you can work on your communications issues, you will find that the other pieces of the relationship fall into place.

Sex, finances, and child raising are also addressed.  The goal is to get you back on track in every aspect of your relationship.  You don’t have to be on the same page going in, but the hope is that you will be when you leave.

Marriage is tough.  Sometimes it seems like the relationship cannot endure.  But, there are so many reasons to see if you can’t make it work.  In this case, consider seeing if a pastor can save your marriage.