Help Me Save My Marriage-Enter With Caution

Many people have gotten that frantic call from a close friend: “help me save my marriage!” This scenario happens all too often and many times we don’t want to get involved. But as an outsider looking in, sometimes you have no choice but to help.

A third party needs to evaluate the relationship to see if they can help. Sometimes, it is something as simple as lending an ear. A sympathetic shoulder to cry on is often just what is needed if the spouse is not willing to listen. Surprisingly, being able to unload anxiety and emotions can benefit a couple in the midst of trying to repair their marriage.
The boundaries are not always clear in these cases, so caution has to be exercised. A woman becoming too involved in a marital dilemma will be seen as an intruder by the husband. He will feel as if it is now two against one. Even if the wrongs are corrected, chances are he will never look at the friend the same way again.

That is why discretion has to be of the utmost importance. It is very easy to step over the line and cause more damage than was originally present. The only time that it is a good idea to intervene is when there is obvious proof that he is the main cause of the dispute. If it becomes blatantly obvious that the husband is the primary reason behind what is transpiring then a friend can be of assistance to the wife. However, this would never work for a man. If a female friend were to try to console the husband, it might appear as if she is trying to break up the marriage.

The safest bet is for the friend to suggest counseling to the couple. Bringing in an outsider who does not have a vested interest in either side will help to bring stability to the situation. But even this decision needs to be cautiously considered. If a woman is the reason for the disturbance in the relationship then a male counselor might be the better option. If the wife has had a transgression with another man, then perhaps a female counselor would set the husband more at ease.

The bottom line is, if a friend asks you to “help me save my marriage”, then it has to be discreetly handled and in a way that will not place attention or blame on one party more than another.

It’s a classic and tragic story.  Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy just wants girl back.  Even though it happens everyday that doesn’t make it any easier when it’s you that’s going through it. It is still painful and it still sucks.

You don’t need to give up though.  There are a few things you can do that will make things easier, make you a better man and maybe help you get your ex girlfriend back too.

1) The first thing you want to do is cease and desist all calls, texts, emails, etc.  It will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done but you have to stop chasing her.  Think about it for a minute.  When someone is chased what do they do?  That’s right, they run.  You don’t want to push her further away from you.  Back off and give her some space.

Remember, no one likes a weak, whiny, insecure person.  That’s just not a turn on. Your ex is no different.  Don’t cling or you will only push her further away.

2) Have fun.  I know that this sounds like ridiculous advice, but it’s important.  It kind of relates to step 1.  Go out with friends and try to live everyday to the fullest.  If you can do this you will benefit in a couple of ways.

For one thing she will hear about all the fun you’re having and she will start to miss the fun the two of you used to have.  She will also remember why she fell in love with you in the first place.

It will also help you to keep your mind off of your ex for a little while.  That is a good way to keep from going crazy during this difficult time.

A word of caution though: don’t use this step as a pathetic and childish attempt to make her jealous.  That is very immature and doesn’t work.  If  you really care about your ex and you want her back you should avoid stupid, destructive and childish games.  No good relationship can ever be built on those traits.

3) Try to communicate with her.  Don’t argue, or badger.  Just talk…and listen.  This isn’t about being right, it’s about trying to truly understand where the other person is coming from.  This is a time to put your ego on hold.