Few things are more painful than having your heart broken.

Both men and women experience the pain of breaking up.  Sometimes you are the one who called it off and other times your ex did, but in either case, there is pain on both sides.  And, sometimes the break up happened for good reasons while other times it seemed to go up in a puff of smoke for no reason at all.  These can be the most painful of all.

If you don’t go about getting over the break up though, there can be some serious consequences.  Don’t fall into the trap of lingering over a lost love.  The worst trap of all is to start to write a “victim story” that makes you the protagonist in a tale of love gone bad.

First of all, you should realize that if you don’t get over your ex, it will be toxic to any future relationship you might have.

Second, realize that you can’t run away from it, medicate it, or suppress it.  You have to face the pain head on and deal with it.

There’s no way out of a broken heart.  There’s only a way through.  Accept that there is going to be pain.  Use the time during this period to understand the hurt.  Some ways to do this are to write in a journal, get counseling, or pour your heart out in song.  Realize there are no quick solutions to getting over a break up.

Next, you need to examine whether there is anything in your past that would have lead to this break up.  For instance, did the abuse in your childhood cause you to be an abuser in this relationship?  Take note of those things because they will help you foster healthier relationships in the future.

Don’t paint yourself as the victim of the relationship either.  Take responsibility for your actions.  While your ex may have been the one whose “fault” was the immediate cause of the break up, the truth is that the underlying circumstances were caused by both of you.

By getting rid of your “victim story” you become a healthier, more attractive partner for a future boyfriend or girlfriend.  You’ll begin to see that your “victim story” was composed of beliefs, attitudes and thoughts that color your perceptions about everything.  It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

When you handle your broken heart badly, you perpetuate your pain.  You’ll never go about getting over break up.

But, when you can handle your emotions with the ultimate goal of letting them go, you enable healing.

Getting over a broken heart takes work.  It also takes time.  Don’t underestimate the factors which go into curing your heartbreak.

You’ve just lost a person who was extremely important to your life.  But, use this time for growth and you will become a stronger person and have better relationships in the future.  That is how you really go about getting over a break up.

Have you just broken up with a guy?  Are you lost without him?  Do you wonder if you can get him back?  Here’s some advice about a boyfriend break up.

First of all, decide whether the relationship is truly over.  Until you are able to say that he is part of your past and not your present and future, you will not be able to move on.

This is not to say that you have to put him in the past right away.  There are a number of steps you can take to get him back.  You can stay part of his life in a casual way hopping to become boyfriend and girlfriend again.

But, if you are ready to move on, there are a number of steps you can take to reach closure.  Closure is the process where you recognize that the relationship is over and you start to heal.

Perhaps the first thing you should do is communicate your hurt.  There are several ways to do this:

·    Talk to friends and family who are truly empathetic and can help you work through your feelings.  A true friend will do this, but many of your so called friends won’t be up to the challenge.
·    Go into short term therapy so you can work through your feelings with a dispassionate third party
·    Write down your feelings in a journal, in poetry, or in music.  This is an inexpensive way to express yourself and doesn’t require anyone else to participate.

Once you have come to some level of closure, get rid of anything you have of your ex’s.  These things will only remind you of him and the boyfriend break up.  Some things you’ll want to give back because they have value.  Other things you can just toss.  And, if he’s given you gifts that you want to keep, box them up and store them for the time being.

Next, figure out how you are going to spend your time now that you are not part of a couple.  You may feel that time hangs heavy on your hands.  Or, you may find that you are liberated by not having to do everything your ex wanted you to do.

Get involved in things that make you happy.  Go to the gym so that you look and feel good.  Spend some time getting pampered at the spa.  Take a Spanish class at the community center.  Or, start to volunteer with the Big Sisters of America.

By doing things that please you, you will become a happier person.  You will find that you miss your ex a lot less.

One of the ways you will know that you are over your ex is that you will start to develop feelings for a new guy.  Maybe these will be reciprocated.  Eventually, you will find a new man and form a new relationship.  That will be when you know you have really moved on.  The boyfriend break up won’t be so serious any more.

Are you suffering from the pain of a break up?  Do you feel that you would do anything to turn back the clock a few days?  If your love’s run out, here’s how to win your ex back.

First of all, don’t go out and chase them.  They probably need some space.  In fact, often they will come to regret their decision if they aren’t pressured.

That means that you shouldn’t call, text or email them for a week or so.  Whatever you do, don’t go begging them to come back.  Don’t send flowers or love notes.  Instead, hang back and chill.

After a week or so, if your love hasn’t made any contact, it is now okay to do it yourself.  But be casual about it.  Drop them an email saying “how are you doing?”  Again, don’t overdo it.  You don’t want to seem too eager.

Just as there is power in romantic relationships, there is a power balance in a break up situation.  If you give up your power by chasing your ex, you actually lessen your chances of getting them back.

If the situation was a minor blow up, you may be able to win your ex back by stepping back for a few days and then dropping a casual hint that you are still interested.

But, if a month or so has gone by and you’re still not back together, it’s time to step things up.  By this time, he or she has probably started thinking about new partners.  Now, it’s time to really learn how to win your ex back.

It is very important not to crowd your ex, even when you are pursuing them.  Don’t stalk.  It is okay to show up where they hang out from time to time, but be prepared to pay attention to other people besides your ex.

You should also consider contacting your ex from time to time in a casual way.  For instance, you could email them saying “I walked by the park where we flew kites that time and it made me think of you.  I miss those days.”  Also, make sure that you always remember their birthday with a card or small gift.  This will let them know that they are still on your radar.

One controversial tactic is to ask one of your ex’s friends out on a date.  Then text your ex and ask him or her where the friend would like to go on the date.  This will make your ex think that you are moving on and make him or her question whether they really want to be broken up.

It is okay to date other people while you are broken up, but you should refrain from sleeping with them.  Your ex may consider this a final sign that the relationship is over.  So, be true to your love even though you have broken up.

And that is how to win your ex back.

Are you in love?  Breaking up with your boyfriend can be the most devastating thing in your life if you were truly in love.  How can you get through this situation?

First of all, you need to determine whether the relationship is truly over.  There are a number of ways to get an ex boyfriend back.

You don’t want to chase him.  You want to give him some space, especially in the first days after a break up.  So, don’t pester him with calls or texts.  Instead, let him call you.

If he doesn’t contact you right away, don’t stress about it.  Instead, after about a week, call him yourself.  But, keep it casual.  Don’t go all weepy on him and ask him to get back together.  Also, keep it short.  Five or ten minutes should suffice.

If you are still in love after this amount of time, you need to consider making more fundamental changes.

For instance, do you need a makeover?  Would a new hairstyle or new clothes attract him back?  Do you need to lose a few pounds?

Also, consider whether there were aspects of your personality that drove him away.  Were you always nagging him?  Did you drop all of your own friends and hang around with him exclusively?  You may have been crowding him.

If you have identified areas where you can change, you need to do them.  It may take time, but if he is truly in love, break up won’t last.

But, you also have to be prepared to move on.  Fortunately, any changes you make to win your ex boyfriend back will also help you attract a new guy.  For instance, learning not to nag a man will help you keep any new boyfriend.  And, your new more glamorous self will be sure to attract lots of attention.

Use the time between boyfriends to find out what you really want in a man as well.  What was it that attracted you to your ex?  Did these qualities hold on over time or did they annoy you after a while?  Did you go for someone on the basis of looks only to find out that made for a very vain man?  Did you like his sarcastic sense of humor only to find out that he turned it on you?

You should also use this time between boyfriends to figure out what you want in yourself.  What can you improve – not for the sake of a guy – but to make the quality of your own life better?  This may mean getting back in touch with your girlfriends, taking up a class, or going to church again.

Remember, love break up do happen.  Sometimes you can get back together and sometimes you can’t.  The important thing is to be able to roll with the punches and move on to the newer, better you.

Is getting back together after a break up something that the both of you want to do or is it one sided? This is the place that you need to start. If it is something that the both of you are committed to doing then you very well could see this working out. It will take a commitment from the both of you and a desire to give in and work together to overcome the things that caused the break up or divorce. If, though, it is one sided and you are the only one who is truly interested in getting back together after a break up, then you may be fighting an uphill battle.

What is going to make to getting back together after a break up work or not is total commitment from both of you. Each of you have to be able to concede that you were and are wrong about things. You have to be able to admit that without trying to justify everything. When you try to justify mistakes you made you are essentially making up excuses. Just be able to admit it and move on to correct it. It will likely take both of you working together to overcome your mistakes. It is a partnership that both of you are going to have to be invested in 100% but the commitment level from both of you needs to be totally equal.

It is very easy to think that it is the other person that has to do the work. It is too easy to let one person do the work. If it is just one person who is doing the bulk of the work in this reconciliation effort, it most likely is going to fail. It took two to make the relationship or marriage take place originally. Repairing the relationship is going to take both of you together. You have to struggle together for there to be a life together at all. This is something that you should have known when you first got together and it is something that you have to know for it to work from here on out.

If you are the only one of the two of you who thinks that getting back together after a break up is a good thing, then it is only you who is going to be putting forth the effort. It is sad to say but if it isn’t both of you wanting it and working towards it, it may be a fruitless endeavor. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, it just means that you will have a monumentally tough time making this work. It is hard enough getting back together after a break up when two of you are working for it. Getting back together after a break up on your own may just take a lot more patience and perseverance.

Again, it will be difficult no matter what. What is going to help with the success of it is making sure that you have a good support system. If you have friends and family who are not only encouraging you but helping you, your chances of success grow as you continue getting back together after a break up.