It used to be that marriage was considered a cherished institution by the majority of people. But something has happened in recent years, and the idea of marriage isn’t held in the same high regard by nearly as many people. That would certainly be one explanation for the higher divorce rate. Is saving marriage even worth it in the modern world, and if so, what are some ways to make it happen?

Let’s be blunt about the state of marriage as it used to exist. While it was a lifelong commitment and it was incredibly difficult to get a divorce, this wasn’t always a good thing. For example, a wife that was being abused rarely had no other choice than to bear it. That clearly isn’t a good thing and is one of the reasons divorce laws have been loosened over time.

We can see that marriage isn’t always a good thing, and even the purists out there will freely admit there are some cases where a marriage can and should be dissolved (even the Bible says adultery can be grounds for divorce). On the other hand, it doesn’t make sense to let people marry and divorce as though they are going through a revolving door. So, on to saving marriage.

If you are married, then your marriage is probably the most important one to you; and rightfully so. You may think of saving marriage in more personal terms, especially if you are in a rocky relationship and have a hard time getting along. You want to know what you can do to save your marriage, and may not be all that concerned about it as a whole.

Saving marriage can only be achieved by keeping couples together (again, except in extreme cases). The couple who is facing tough times doesn’t need to worry about the whole institution. They should do what they can to fix their marriage, because every marriage counts. In fact, if you are happily married and there is anything you can do to help a couple going through a rough spot, then by all means do so.

The more difficult part of saving marriage is to shift the collective attitude to one of respect for being married. How? There are no easy answers, but we have to start somewhere. A very simple first step is to treat marriage with deep respect. No more dirty jokes about cheating spouses, no more talk of the “old man” or “old lady”, no more making light of it. Now, that doesn’t you shouldn’t have a good sense of humor; not at all. After all, being able to laugh is a great way to get along with others, including your spouse.

Saving marriage may seem quaint to a lot of people today, but it has a lot of benefits. For example, studies have shown that married people tend to live longer. Also, divorce not only hurts emotionally, it hurts financially, too. But, if more of us can be committed to making marriage work, then it will be better for everybody.

Saving Marriage-A Cherished Institution Of The Past is a post from: Magic of Making Up - Advice On How To Get Your Ex Back

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If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it’s time for a gut check. Don’t think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, and it’s going to have a much better chance of working if you enlist the help of a professional counselor to help clear the path, as much as possible.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind:

1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on,who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren’t ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they’ll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account. Leave.

If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let’s be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won’t commit 100% to making things work, it won’t work. Again, it’s best to leave.

2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It’s going to hurt, but the reality is that people don’t cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don’t get from their spouse.

Sometimes it can be something ‘real’ like feeling needed or loved. Other times it’s not ‘real’ it’s childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship, something that you may not even have realized was gone.

3. It’s very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner’s face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, it won’t work out.

On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

Also, the person who strayed has to own it, period. Now is not the time to blame your spouse and use the classic line: “my wife/husband just doesn’t understand me”.  B.S. You are every bit as guilty, maybe more so, in the failing of your marriage as your spouse. Don’t blame your weakness and the fact that you cheated on your partner. You did it, period. Own it and you’ll be a better person for it.

Marriage infidelity can be gotten past, but only if the two of you are willing to try, and try hard. Good luck.

Marriage Infidelity – Gut Check Time is a post from: Magic of Making Up - Advice On How To Get Your Ex Back

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Nobody likes to be cheated on. Nobody should be cheated on. But cheating isn’t the problem, it’s the symptom. There is always a bigger problem underlying the infidelity and if there’s anything good to come after adultery, it’s knowing that there is a problem that you need to address.

The time when a relationship is at its weakest is also the best time to do the work that will bring it to being its strongest. There’s an idea in the military that you need to tear a person down so that you can build them back up, strong than they ever were before, and this is true in relationships as well.

After adultery what your relationships needs is a complete overhaul. This isn’t optional, because if you try to just go back to the way things were, then what you’ll find is that history will just repeat itself. You need to start over and build things back up from the bottom. Tear it down to bring it back stronger than it was before.

The first thing you need to do is spend some time apart. This may seem counter intuitive since you’re dealing with an after adultery situation, when the urge might be to not let your partner out of your sight for a single second. But the time apart will allow you to see your relationship from a different angle, and this perspective will be important for the relationship repair process.

The next thing you need to do is to figure out exactly what the problem was, and the answer to this question is not ‘they were sleeping with someone else’. You need to find the deep down problem that was behind the infidelity, and you need to do something about the problem.

After you’ve done those two things, it’s time for you to start the relationship over. The key part is to do it from the beginning. Go on dates again. Start over just as if you were dating somebody else. You need to treat this as a new relationship because if you want to repair your relationship after adultery, then it has to be a new relationship.

Although you’re being building a new relationship after adultery, you do need to keep in mind the problems that made all this necessary. The idea here isn’t to have the same relationship you had before, the idea is to have a better one, and this means you need to avoid making the same mistakes.

Rebuilding a relationship after adultery will be hard, but it will also be one of the most worthwhile things you can. Remember, there is help available out there, and seeking it out one of the best things you can do for your relationship.

How To Save Your Relationship After Adultery is a post from: Magic of Making Up - Advice On How To Get Your Ex Back

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The problems that you have in your marriage may be an inability to relate to each other for some reason. It could be due to more serious problems such as adultery, pornography, lying, or many other things. Whatever the reason, it is incredibly important that you seek a counselor to help you help the marriage.

The advice that you may get from secular marriage counselors may be good but also may not give you guidance that comes from God’s word. There are many counseling choices available to you that can turn to before your marriage ends up in divorce. The best way for many to avoid that has been Christian marriage counseling.

Many churches now have marriage & family counselors on staff and may also have a counseling center. They are able to provide many types of counseling services but are of great help in family therapy and Christian marriage counseling. They will not just try and help you solve problems in your marriage but will be able to help make your marriage stronger and draw you closer to God.

A good Christian marriage counseling program will have a counselor that will draw you and your spouse back together and will help draw you closer to God, together. It will help you get your priorities back in line so that the two of you will be able to focus on things that are more important.

It is really important that you do not hesitate to find help if you are having problems. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to fix the problems. This is no time to be in denial. You need to get things back on track and Christian marriage counseling can help you accomplish that.

The hardest thing that you may have to face is trying to convince the one you love that getting counseling is important. It may be necessary to go and seek advice from a counselor on the best way to get your loved one to go in for counseling.

There is a lot to risk either way. There may be some things uncovered that will be uncomfortable to talk about but facing those issues and addressing them has to be done. You will also have to learn a lot of humility as you may find out that you are the source of some of the problems. You may also find out that there is very little that can be done to save the relationship but still you will have done everything you can to save it.

If your marriage is important to you and you are trying to have a Christian family, then finding a Christian marriage counseling program is of the utmost importance.

Christian Marriage Counseling Getting God Inspired Guidance is a post from: Magic of Making Up - Advice On How To Get Your Ex Back

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First realize, though, that as much as you may want to save your relationship you may not be able to. Make sure that you prepare yourself mentally for any possible outcome. This isn’t thinking pessimistically, it is being realistic which is what you need to be.

Make use of family therapy or seek out marriage counselors. They have been well trained and have lots of experience helping people go through these times. Even if there is adultery involved, they will be able to help. Many marriages have been brought back from the edge because of counseling and therapy. They are accustomed to dealing with infidelity between spouses, depression, or any other things that stress a relationship to the point of divorce. Marriage counseling doesn’t have to be expensive, there are plenty of good choices for you to use to get good relationship advice before you see a divorce lawyer.

One thing that you can learn not to do that may help stop your divorce before you ever get an attorney involved is don’t argue. Arguing will only make the situation worse. You can try calling it reasoning or what ever but the truth is you are trying to force them to feel differently than they do. If you are serious and you want to “stop my divorce” then realize that your battle is against your separation, not your spouse. The more you argue with them and try to point out where they are wrong the more they will be wrong in your mind.

Don’t try to defend yourself. You may be right, but don’t try to convince them of that. Find the truth in their argument and agree with that. The more you can agree with the things they say, the more they will be right. This will only make them see that you are willing to do what you want them to do, see your side of the story. If you are willing to be honest and accept what they are trying to say then they will more likely be open to listening to your side. Marriage counseling is great at helping you understand how to communicate better if you really want to “stop my divorce.”

This is only one part of the things that you can do to help when you are wanting someone to help you “stop my divorce“. Quit talking about it and start acting on it. Your marriage will only have a chance to survive if you are willing to act.

Don’t Let It End Stop My Divorce is a post from: Magic of Making Up - Advice On How To Get Your Ex Back

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