Help Me Save My Marriage-Enter With Caution

Many people have gotten that frantic call from a close friend: “help me save my marriage!” This scenario happens all too often and many times we don’t want to get involved. But as an outsider looking in, sometimes you have no choice but to help.

A third party needs to evaluate the relationship to see if they can help. Sometimes, it is something as simple as lending an ear. A sympathetic shoulder to cry on is often just what is needed if the spouse is not willing to listen. Surprisingly, being able to unload anxiety and emotions can benefit a couple in the midst of trying to repair their marriage.
The boundaries are not always clear in these cases, so caution has to be exercised. A woman becoming too involved in a marital dilemma will be seen as an intruder by the husband. He will feel as if it is now two against one. Even if the wrongs are corrected, chances are he will never look at the friend the same way again.

That is why discretion has to be of the utmost importance. It is very easy to step over the line and cause more damage than was originally present. The only time that it is a good idea to intervene is when there is obvious proof that he is the main cause of the dispute. If it becomes blatantly obvious that the husband is the primary reason behind what is transpiring then a friend can be of assistance to the wife. However, this would never work for a man. If a female friend were to try to console the husband, it might appear as if she is trying to break up the marriage.

The safest bet is for the friend to suggest counseling to the couple. Bringing in an outsider who does not have a vested interest in either side will help to bring stability to the situation. But even this decision needs to be cautiously considered. If a woman is the reason for the disturbance in the relationship then a male counselor might be the better option. If the wife has had a transgression with another man, then perhaps a female counselor would set the husband more at ease.

The bottom line is, if a friend asks you to “help me save my marriage”, then it has to be discreetly handled and in a way that will not place attention or blame on one party more than another.

Get Back Together With Your Ex-Patch Things Up

What follows may sound incredibly sexist and stereotypical, but that’s not the intent. Instead, the whole purpose is to help you get back together with your ex wife or girlfriend. But, because everybody is different, it would be next to impossible to cover every single possibility. For that reason, we’ll have to stick to generalities at the risk of rubbing a few people the wrong way. Okay, now that we have that out of the way…let’s look at how you can patch things up.

While there are no hard and fast statistics, some people have estimated that as many as 3 out of 4 break ups are started by women. Why is this the case? Generally speaking, women have a better idea of exactly what they want in a mate; while men are just happy to be with a breathing human being. But the other surprising thing is that it’s normally the woman who wants to get back together, but there’s a catch: if they don’t want to get back together, then nothing will change their mind.

Understanding this will help you to get your ex back. You know that the odds are against you making things work, and that she will be the one who wants to be in control. But the real key is that she only needs to feel as though she’s in control. Your first step is to give her plenty of time and space to work things out on her own. There is a great chance that she will start to miss you, but you need to give her the opportunity to miss you. If you keep calling her and won’t leave her alone, then she will continue being sick of you. Obviously that’s not a smart move. So, if you want to get back together with your ex then you have to break off all contact. It won’t be easy, but it’s your safest bet.

You’re going to have a lot of free time now that you’ve broken off contact, but that doesn’t mean you should just sit around. Put this time to good use by figuring out what went wrong. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. You can’t just look at things that are on the surface. Instead you have to dig down deep and get to the root of the problems that caused the break up. A common reason people give for breaking up is arguing, but if you don’t figure out why the arguments happened, then you will never work things out.

The next step is to work on solutions for the problems you’ve discovered. One thing to keep in mind is that you can’t change anyone but yourself. So, if there are any problem that relate to your ex, then you need to forget them, forgive them, or confront her about them (the first two are much easier than the last one).

If you want to get back together with your ex, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes. The above steps won’t always be easy, but they will be worth it when the two of you are happily back together.

Forget Divorce – Save Your Marriage

Is your marriage having trouble to the extent that you are considering getting a divorce? Well have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor? There are many different marriage counselors and it can be difficult knowing which one is worth going to. Let’s take a look at some things you should look out for in a marriage counselor.

The first thing you need to do is to find out what their credentials are. There are basically three types of counselors as follows:

1. Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These counselors have put in the hard work to get their positions. They have been to graduate school for a minimum of five years and would have written a dissertation. They would have performed at least 3000 hours of therapy while supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person must have a doctoral level degree to be legally referred to as a ‘clinical psychologist’. Ph.D.’s, although they have put in the hard work, can tend to be more academic in nature and you may find that they will do a bit of forensic work along with the therapy.

2. M.S.W. – Master of Social Work. This type of counselor is trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work with individuals or with institutions.

3. M.S. or M.A. – or also known as ‘Marriage and Family Therapist’. These counselors may only work with individuals or with small groups. They will have gained a 2 year degree and have done 1500 hours of supervised therapy.

If you are planning to use insurance cover to help fund your marriage counseling then they will probably point you in the direction of a Marriage and Family Therapist or a M.S.W. as these are less expensive than a Ph.D. level counselor.

The second thing you need to do is find out how much the counseling will cost. You will find that clinical psychologists are generally more expensive and Marriage and Family Therapists will be the least expensive. The least expensive may not always be the best option, you need to choose the best option for saving your marriage.

You need to consider both the individual session cost as well as the overall cost for the entire length of treatment.

Some therapists may have a sliding scale fee and this is often based on a couple’s income. It is usually non-profit institutions that will offer this type of fee which can make counseling affordable for those who may not otherwise be able to afford it.

The third thing that you need to look at is the policies that a therapist has. Some questions you may want to ask are:

* Do you still pay for a session if you miss it or cancel it?
* If you go on vacation and let them know ahead that you will miss a session will you still be required to pay for it?
* Does the therapist accept phone calls at home or outside of normal session times?
* Is there an alternative therapist that you can call in an emergency?

A Marriage and Family Therapist is trained to help families work through any issues so it is their job to help you to save your marriage. You should feel comfortable talking to a counselor and if for any reason you just don’t feel comfortable with a particular therapist then you should stop seeing them and find one that you will be comfortable with.

Before giving up on your marriage and filing for divorce, try marriage counseling to try and save your marriage.

Family Dynamics In Marriage-Take A Step Back With Unbiased Eye

There can be many different family dynamics in marriage that occur. Often, the ones you are dealing with can be causing a lot of tension and stress. To get to the heart of all the negative issues that plague your marriage, you may need a little more help. Finding a professional who can walk you through it might be a very good idea.

It’s a rare individual who can look at themselves and see all of their flaws. It takes and even more unique individual to actually admit to those flaws even if they have noticed them. When you put two flawed people together with these traits into a marriage, well, yeah the sparks will fly!

The first step you have to do if you want a clear picture of the family dynamics in marriage is to take a step back and try to see your marriage as clearly and with as unbiased of an eye as possible. It might be hard for you to do but it will be easy for your friends, family or a therapist to do.

They aren’t emotionally invested and they aren’t worried about being the one who is “wrong”. They can see things far more clearly than you will be able to see them. Of course, family and friends will be reluctant to tell you the truth because they won’t want to hurt you or lose your friendship by making you mad. So, it’s probably best to find a good therapist, they have nothing to lose so you know they will be honest.

Finding the unhealthy dynamics in your family is just step one, the next step will be to get all parties involved on the same page. Trying to get more than one person who is willing to face their own flaws and actively make changes is challenging, to say the least. Most people simply aren’t strong enough to be willing to face their flaws let alone actually make strides to change the. Trying to get two or more to do it is close to impossible.

Still, it is worth a shot. The depth of the issues and the depth of the love are two very important factors that will help determine how likely you are to succeed in each making some needed changes. If one partner just doesn’t care that much, or is just too selfish and immature, and won’t try, it will be pretty close to impossible to make any real changes and make the dynamics of the family any better.

Whatever the dynamics of your family are, you should always try to make improvements if you aren’t happy with the way things are. No one knows whether it will fail or succeed but if you aren’t happy right now, you really don’t have anything to lose, do you?

Family dynamics in marriage has many sides and can be quite convoluted. For that reason finding a professional who has experience in these issues will go a long way to helping your family find the peace and stability you all really want.

Define Your Relationship-Take Time Dont Push

When you meet that one person in the world meant for you and the two of you start a relationship, the best thing you should do first is to define the relationship. Some would say that you should not put much energy into a relationship right at the start, you should just go with the flow but, if the relationship is to be a successful one you should shape it and mold it right from the start. That way you can see early on out what kind of a relationship it is and what kind it is going to be.

Successful relationships do not just happen. They are successful because they are built on several key factors. Mutual respect is a very important factor. Mutual respect for each other tends to lead to trust which is also so important in a relationship. Love is fickle but if you have the love, respect and trust you are on your way to having a successful relationship. Relationships that have all these things just make it look easy.

Another way to help define your relationship is to get to know each other so well that you know how the other will react to any given situation at any given moment. Remember the old Newlywed Game? I always liked that show because you could really tell the couples who knew each other and the ones who had a lot of work to do to get to know each other. I would get a really good feeling about the ones who answered all their questions correctly, you just knew they had a good foundation.

Knowing what the other is thinking doesn’t necessarily mean you have good communication skills. Although it does help, good communication skills take some time and effort to acquire. You are not just born with them. Having and using effective communication skills means you are able to take the other person’s feelings and opinions into consideration without getting angry and lashing out.

Being able to make small decisions well makes it easier when having to make the bigger decisions down the road. A truly good relationship will start with how good each individual is. I don’t mean good versus bad, I mean how mature, responsible, good communication skills. If each person brings those attributes to the relationship then the overall relationship will be better more often than not.

You hear all the time that good relationships are made up of good communication skills, but what the heck does that mean? Does it mean you know how to talk circles around your partner? No, of course not. It means that you can listen to each other with respect, you don’t jump on every little thing that they say and that you learn how to accurately communicate your point without belittling your partner. Learn to do that and the two of you are on your way to having a good relationship.

We are definitely a society that needs for things to be spelled out and defined. It just seems to make people more comfortable when things are very clearly spelled out. when it comes to your relationship it’s important to make sure that you each know what you want and what you don’t want, figuring that out is how you best define your relationship.