There is HOPE. Did you know that most
relationships CAN be salvaged?

The Magic of Making Up from TW Jackson has helped thousand of people cope with the confusion and pain caused by a break-up. Learn the symptoms of heartbreak and the mistakes commonly made when trying to get back with an ex. The Magic of Making Up walks you through what you need to say and the actions to take to help rebuild a relationship and reunite you with your ex.

Archive for February, 2011

Stop Playing Games With Your Marriage

As hard as it is to understand, couples still play games with each other after they’re married. To be blunt, this game playing is hazardous to the health of the marriage relationship and should be avoided at all costs. There simply is no place for it in a happy marriage.

Aha! Maybe that’s the point. If you or your spouse are always playing games, then it could be taken as a sign that your marriage isn’t as happy as it could be. Or, perhaps the situation is worse and your marriage is in real trouble. Even if it is humming along nicely, the very fact that mind games are being played means there is room for improvement.

Of course we are talking about mind games up to this point. This may be referred to as manipulation, deceit, laying guilt trips or otherwise being dishonest about what’s really going on. however, there are other types of marriage games that you can play. What we are talking about here are more purposeful games that both of you play together. There isn’t anything sneaky about them, and they are designed to help strengthen your relationship.

“Why I love you.” This game is just like it sounds. You look each other in the eye, then each spouse takes turns mentioning one reason why they love the other one. The first few times you play this it may be difficult to name more than a few things, that’s okay. You both have to agree to not take the game personally f the other one is having a hard time. The more you play, the more fun you will have.

“What you mean to me.” This game is played the same as the “Why I love you” game, but you each take turns saying what you mean to the other. Just imagine how much better you will make each other feel as you get better at rattling off your lists of why you love and appreciate each other.

“Silence is golden.” They say the vast majority of our communication is non-verbal. You can put this to the test and work on having a better relationship at the same time. Go for a preset amount of time where you will agree to talk to each other without using any words. If possible, try doing it for an entire day. Also, choose a block of time where you will be together for most of it, otherwise it won’t have the same effect. You may be amazed at just how much you can say without using any words at all.

While there are some games you shouldn’t play when you are married (like mind games), there are marriage games that will help you grow closer as a couple. The three games above are a good start, but there is no reason you can’t make up games of your own, or find other games people have created for the purpose of a happier marriage.

Free advice on how to get your ex back is abundant online, but how do you know if the advice your getting is any good? Who can you trust? I would recommend you trust yourself. Find some advice, read it and listen with your heart not your head. If the advice ‘seems’ right, it probably is. If you really want to get back with your ex your heart is the one tool you should be using the most anyway, start there.

I don’t know you, I don’t know why you and your ex are through,and I don’t know how long you’ve been apart. What I do know is that no matter how the problems show up there is almost always one main cause…not being able to communicate. You’ve probably heard that yourself over and over again. You may even be sick of hearing it. But it’s true and until you and your partner learn how to truly listen to each other you will continue to struggle, even after you’ve gotten back together.

Don’t make it hard, it’s really not. It’s just so easy to fall into bad habits. Learn how to identify those habits and you can change them. That way you can be happier in all areas of your life, not just your romantic relationships.  The best way to change bad communication habits, believe it or not, is to take a good long look at the type of person you are.

Try to pinpoint areas of insecurity and doubt. These are the parts of you that make it difficult for you to truly feel worthy and these are the parts of you that make it easy for you to treat your partner with less than stellar care. You might not really feel worthy of being loved so subconsciously you push away the person who loves you.  You may feel (deep down inside) that you need to push them away before they leave you. If you are doing this you probably don’t realize it. Accepting this and getting help for it can make a huge difference in your relationships and the change can be obvious to your ex, that is great free advice on how to get your ex back.

Please don’t dismiss any of this advice just becomes it seems too simple. In reality it’s not simple to change deep seated habits. It will take time, attention, and a strong desire. But acknowledging these bad habits and making an effort to fix them will allow you to become a much better person.

Good luck on your quest to get your ex back. No matter what the problems were before, or how long the two of you have been apart it’s never too late to take control and make things work out the way you really want them to be.  It really is possible to do if you’re willing to use this free advice on how to get your ex back, don’t dismiss it just because it seems too simple.

Been Dumped? Feel Lost? Find Yourself!

Find YourselfIf you have recently been dumped you may feel a little lost right now. If you spend your days just walking around in a fog and nothing seems to go right you need to learn how to fix it, especially if you want to try to get your ex back. There are specific steps you can take to help you do this.

First, you need you back. If you want to try to get your ex back you need to be confident and self assured. So, work through your pain and anger before contacting your ex. Otherwise they will feel they need to be on the defensive and you will do nothing more than alienate them further.

If you have been dumped it may take a while for the pain and anger to subside. Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings and deal with them as they surface. Then decide what it is you want and go for it. If what you want is to get your ex back then do it. Be careful though, like I said make sure you have you back and you are in a good frame of mind or else anything you try will not work and may even backfire.

when you are ready, call your ex on the phone and ask if they would like to meet you for coffee and a talk. If they are willing to meet you, you need to have planned out what you want to say. This isn’t the time to fly by the seat of your pants. It’s also important that you don’t start off by asking them, or begging them, to get back together. Now is the time to try and reconnect and remind them how much fun the two of you used to have.

Hopefully by this point you have addressed the issues you had, or whatever it was that caused problems in your relationship in the past. If so, this meeting could be a great time to let your ex see these improvements with their own two eyes.

Of course, if the two of you are going to make things work for the long haul both of you will most likely need to assess your habits and attitudes and make some changes. Now isn’t the time to worry about that though, the only person you can change is you. For now, let that be your focus. Than when the two of you get back togeher and you are trying to keep things strong you can work on other issues that may be driving a wedge between you and creating difficulty in your relationship.

There is hope. No matter how much the two of you have been through you can still find a way to get back together and make things work out much better the second time. Even if you’ve been dumped there is still hope for a much better future.

Marriage Requirements For A Happy Union

Perhaps it’s a sad commentary on our society that the legal requirements for marriage are relatively simple. The main things the law wants to be assured of is that both parties are old enough, not related and that they pay to file the marriage license. Let’s face it, that’s a pretty low bar to get over. This lack of more marriage requirements must also be one of the root causes for the high divorce rate in this country. But as you will see, that doesn’t have to be the case.

Those are only the legal marriage requirements though. Virtually any couple that wants to get married can do so. It’s easy; maybe too easy. However, the other prerequisites are much more meaningful and have a bigger impact on how happy a couple will be. What these requirements all basically boil down to are compatibility.

But what about the concept of “opposites attract”? The truth is that it is more of a romantic notion than true reality. Study after study has shown that even if opposites do attract, they very rarely stay together. this is because there is too little common ground on which to build a relationship. While it can be appealing to meet somebody that is so different from you, the novelty soon wears off. That doesn’t mean you should each be carbon copies of one another, far from from it. But you should have a few things in common. Of course, these are all things you should know before you even start thinking about getting married.

There are three main requirements for marriage. If you find that any of these are missing, that’s okay. Just being aware of them gives you a chance to make them a part of your relationship or improve on them if needed.

Good Communication. You have to be able to talk to each other, not at each other. The secret to this is listening. That’s much more than hearing what your spouse is saying, you also have to pay attention and try to really understand. If you are unable to communicate with one another, then your marriage is headed for trouble. The good news is that better communication techniques can always be learned. That being said, communication will only work if you meet the next prerequisite.

Respect. Everything derives from respect. You take each other seriously (in a good way) and are accepting of you each are. Don’t talk down to each other. While you may each have different roles within the marriage, neither one of you is more important than the other.

Love. As the old saying goes, “Love conquers all”. When you have love, you can live with the other things not being what they should be. However, there can be a problem when only one of you are in love. This puts things too far out of balance, and means it will be harder to work things out. But as long as the feelings of love are mutual, there are no other requirements of marriage that really matter.

The Real Marriage Test

If you have ever thumbed through a magazine that regularly discusses relationships, whether it be a men’s or women’s magazine, chances are you have seen various types of quizzes. One of the more common quizzes is the marriage test. You answer a few silly questions, and then check your answers to get some supposedly deep insight into you relationship.

There is nothing wrong with such quizzes, and they can be a fun way to pass some while waiting for a doctor’s appointment. As long as you only take them for what they are–a source of entertainment–then there is no real harm in taking them. Besides, if you have ever taken them, you have probably noticed one or two things. First, the explanation of your score is so far off that it’s downright laughable. Second, the explanations are so general that they could apply to virtually any relationship you have ever been in; good or bad.

It is probably a safe assumption that no marriage test in a magazine has ever saved a marriage. They are fun and have their place, but fixing a relationship isn’t it; no matter what the maker of the quiz claims. However, there is a test you can use to help make your marriage stronger. You won’t find it any magazine, but not to worry, the questions of this marriage test are below.

Before you take the test, you need to decide which way works best for you. Will each of you take it separately with a pen and paper, or will you discuss the answers as you take the test? Either way, the main goal is to spark a good discussion about your marriage. This is important because good communication is one of the foundations of a healthy marriage.

1. How do you envision our future? This is a good question because it will show if you have drifted apart, or if you are still together in the things you want from the relationship. It’s far better to know where each of you stands instead of making assumptions. But, as long as you both seeing you being together, then it’s possible to work out the details.

2. What do you want from the marriage and life? The purpose of this question is to not only see what the ideal marriage means to each other, but to also see what the bigger life questions mean. Over the years people change, so you may be surprised to learn how your spouse answers this question, and vice-versa.

3. What’s the one thing you would change? By asking this you will get an idea of where the problem areas of your marriage are. Don’t take it personally, but be happy that you get a chance to learn where you can make improvements.

4. What could I do better? Be careful here. You need to make sure there is enough respect before you ask this question. The one answer you don’t want to hear is “nothing”. The truth is that none of us are perfect, and that means there is always room to do better. Your spouse should feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth, and you should feel confident enough to hear it.